Sister feels alienated at inlaws

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Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

asalamu alaikum.
last year i left the uk to come and be with my husband as visa issues prevented my husband from coming to the uk.i have 3 children and am currently pregnant.we live with my husbands family.His sister and mother are not kind to me.oppression has kicked in i just stay in my bedroom.? dont speak the language and neither do my children they are suffer?ng at school for th?s and my m?ddle ch?ld ?s aut?st?c and doesnt rec?eve the help he d?d ?n the uk.My husbands out of the house most of the time.he doesnt fullf?ll h?s dut?es he has taken money off me and he doesnt g?ve me any.? d?d leave and go back to the uk but ? came back for my husband and he told me he would get us our own home wh?ch after ? came back realized he has no ?ntent?on of do?ng so.when ? tell my husband how h?s fam?ly make me feel and what they do he gets angry and cares more for them.? dont have any fr?ends or fam?ly here as they l?ve ?n the uk.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Wa Alaykum as Salam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Sister it is very normal to feel alienated in a marriage when you have lived all your life abroad. All these things should have been checked out before marriage. What were you expecting when you married someone who did not have UK residency.

Anyway now that you have 3 children and your husband cannot get UK residency you will have to strive to make this marriage work. Its not impossible to make new friends. The thing is to will yourself not to let this bond break. There will be problems with your in-laws but in time things do get adjusted and work out.

You need to understand and love your husband more, similar to the Oriental way. That is the only way you are going to make in-roads in his heart to make him see your way. This will take time, patience and lots of sacrifice.

The best solution is establish the obligatory prayers in their prescribed times, read the Quran daily in a language you understand, fast during Ramadhan and keep righteous friends. Make as many supplications to Allah swt alone as is easy for you.You will soon find the strength and resolve needed to face all eventualities.

May Allah swt make your trial easy.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline

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