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Wife- Never loved and cared Husband

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asalamu Alaikum,


We have been married for 16 years now.  My husband never show love or express love or care towards me.  He always wanted to show off infront of other.  We had lots of issues after marriage.  My parents forced me to adjust with him.  He always brought his relatives (non--Mahram) people to stay with us.  All my young age-he spend all his money and used me to cook and serve for them.  I had no option but to suffer.  I had a hard time.  He only used me physically that time.  I suffered a lot believing in Allah and praying and hoping for the best.

As years passed we are blessed with two children.  My second child is Autistic.   My husband doesn't allow me to have more children.  I love to have more children.


I am having lots of problem with him.  Sexually he has problem of premature ejaculation- For Allah's sake I have adjusted his weakness.

He always compares me with other female friends or relatives. He always flirts with my female friends. He mentally abuses me a lot.  He always knocks my confidence. Now I have limited my female friends.

Because of my son's needs I need to have tutors coming and helping. I always prefer female tutors, as I will be around all the time. If the tutors are beautiful my husband always flirts with them.  When I say he is not allowed by religious reasons- he says- I am really narrow minded. He makes tea for them, he talks to them.  He never offers tea or anything to me. Shall I stop my son's training.  My son needs lot of help, he cannot progress without help.


My Husband gets really annoyed when my son makes some sounds.  My poor son has problem, but my husband cannot cope with him.  He always screams and shouts and hit my son.  I love my son madly, he is my life,  I do everything for him.  I believe he is blessed child and In sha Allah, he will go to Jannah.  But I feel bad when my husband cannot cope with my dear son. He really gives me the stress.

My husband is a good for his relatives.  He likes showing off, so he spends madly towards them.  I never complaints anything, I always support him.  But he doesn't like spending money on our Special needs son.  I am spending all the limited money I do get for my son.


He never buys any gifts or presents for me.  Now I have stopped asking or wishing for any. He never likes taking me out.  He always buys everything himself never asks any of my opinion.


He never show any love towards me or express love to me.  He never appreciates anything I do for my son or for his family.  He only criticise of all the things I do.

I used to have well paid job and career which I left for my son.  I am best daughter for my family and all my friends and relatives loved me. So I don't know whether I am bad.  I am not ugly.  I am a good Mum. But he always makes me feel I am rubbish.


I don't know how to live with him for long, I don't want to get depressed and my son suffers, as he needs my care all the time.  But I cannot go back to work; mentally I am feeling really low.


I never loved any man before marriage, saving all my love for my husband.  But he never shows any love or care to me. I fear I will die without knowing what is love and Romance in life.  I don't know why my husband cannot love me. I love sitting at home, taking care of children and I don't mix with non-mahram Man. I do protect myself.  My Husband prays five times and also done Hajj. 


(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)


In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sister, you need to talk with your parents as you will need their full support. If you are so fed up with your husband, you will be within your rights to demand a divorce or initiate a khula if he refuses. There is no restrictions on you whatsoever and you do not have to put up with his zulm at all. If he bothering you so much there will be no sin upon you if you ask for a divorce.
The only problem is you should have your families support. You have a child who needs you full time. If you separate, you will need to earn money so that you can take care of yourself and your child. For the time being you will need your families support till you can hire a nurse etc..
If your family does not support you, then we do not suggest you go for a divorce. You will then have to be patient and bear his atrocities for the sake of your child. But if you have your parents support and you are bold enough, then it is better to get out of this difficult marriage. Whatever decision you take you must discuss with your parents, think it out properly and then only start the procedure.
Put all your trust in Allah swt. alone. InshaAllah when He wills your difficult trials will be over. InshaAllah when you are single He will grant you a better man who will love and cherish you as you deserve. Don't lose hope and faith in your Lord creator. These are trials and they will end soon. Just be ever grateful and thankful for all the numerous naimahs He has granted.
May Allah swt make your trials easy and grant you peace, love and happiness.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline

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