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Wants to marry against parents wishes

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:


I wanted to ask you a question regarding marriage.

I want to marry some one who is Pathan.

I am from Karachi and have been living in the US for the past 8 years.

I am 22 years old and the person who I want to marry is 33 years old.

I have a Bsc in Computer Science and I am working as a Sytems Analyst.

The person who I want to marry is not very highly educated, he got his college education from Pakistan.

My family does not want me to marry this person but I want to marry him, I dont want to get married to any one else.

Are my parents wrong in stopping me, just becaus he is less educated. They curse him out and bad mouth his family all the time just because they are pathan and he comes from a small village in NWFP. Please help me in this matter

I am very confused, I don`t know what to do and this situation is hurting me a lot as well as upsetting my family. What can I do to convince my parents, I am 100% sure that I would like to marry this guy.

Please suggest what the best way is around this.

Thank you



(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)




Wants to marry against parents wishes

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Beloved sister in Islam, if the brother is a believer and a non-mehram, it would be absolutely legal to marry him in Islam, regardless of whether he is poor, or x number of years older or younger than you, or whether he is more or less educated than you.


If the man you wish to marry is a good righteous believing person, the parents of the girl should not refuse the proposal just because he is in Pakistan, or is less educated, or from a different caste or sect; as these petty issues have absolutely no weight or bearings in the deen of Islam.


This is the advice the Messenger of Allah (saws) gave to the all the parents of the girls seeking marriage:


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'


Secondly, our beloved sister in Islam, one must realize that a marriage in Islam is something which must be done in consultation with the parents, as without an iota of a doubt, the parents are almost always the best wishers of their children and want only the best for them. It would be considered righteous behavior on your part, if you had patience, and tried with extreme humility and politeness to convince your parents to accede to your request.


And finally, when one has to make any important decision in his/her life, it would be best to follow the example of the Noble Messenger of Allah (saws) who regularly prayed two rakahs of istakhara and sought Allah Subhanahs guidance and help whenever he (saws) had to make an important decision.


Beloved sister, our humble advice to you is to perform the istakhara prayers and supplication, and put your full trust in Allah Subhanah who will help you make your heart content with what is best for you in the life of this world and the Hereafter; for He Alone Knows what is best for His slaves.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your Brother in Islam,





The following is from the book "Selected Prayers"
compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.

"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"

Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka
min Fadlikal-azeem.
Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam.
Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.

Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi
Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.

Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi.
Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur
leyal-khayr Haytho
kan. Thomma ardini Bih.

Translation of du'a:
O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your
knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your
great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are
the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me,
make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this
matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and
in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And
ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.

1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the
advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.
2. After performing wudu' (ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah
required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not
already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is
not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine
guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal
Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the translation
5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more
favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.

Salatul istekharah
from the book Fiqh us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq

It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between permissible alternatives,
one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular sunnah prayers or a
prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or
night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after
reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the
Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has
been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:

"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our
affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you
is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give
me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have
power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you
know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my
livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and
future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for
me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood
and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life')
then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for
me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it."
There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be
recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many
times one should repeat it.
An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do what
he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should
not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara.
And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do,
otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be
honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking
Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself
desired or determined."


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