Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

As-salam-alaikum,

I am a regular reader of your Q&A section. It`s very helpful as it gives us answers to a variety of situations that arise in today`s modern life.

I am facing a situation wherein my family has engaged me to a girl whom I don`t know & never met before. It`s not that they didn`t ask me. They did ask me & after some thought I also accepted the proposal. It was a decision taken in a hurry. But now I don`t feel convinced to marry her as it seems that she won`t be compatible (in terms of education) with me.

I don`t know what to do now. I am in a dilemma.

If I go ahead & marry her then I don`t think I would be happy with her & so would be the case with her as well. However, if I say no at this point in time then it would be considered as a betrayal from my side & I will loose my credibility. But I think that it`s better to take a harsh decision now than being sorry for the whole life.

Please advice in the light of Quran-O-Hadith.

Your brother 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Agreed to proposal Marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, although an ‘engagement’ to marry does not hold any legal basis in Shariah Law….if one has given one’s consent to marry someone, it would not be piety and righteousness in the Sight of Allah for one to break one’s commitment without an absolutely valid and genuine reason.

If you are having second thoughts regarding whether to marry a particular girl or not, in our humble opinion, you should perform the Sunnah prayer and supplication of ‘Istakhara’ and seek the guidance of your Lord Most Gracious….. It is the established Sunnah and tradition of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that whenever he (saws) had to make a choice between two (or more) lawful alternatives, he would perform a two-rakah prayer of ‘Istakhara’ and make earnest supplications to his All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord to guide him to what was best.

Hadrat Jabir (r.a.) reports that ‘the Prophet (saws) would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a Surah of the Qu'ran. He (saws) said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and recite the supplication of Istakhara.’’

Related by Al-Bukhari.

Saad ibn Waqas (r.a.) reported that the Prophet (saws) said, "Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam is to be pleased with the Judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of Adam is his failure to make istikharah, and a misfortune for the son of Adam is his displeasure with the Judgment of Allah."

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our ardent advice to you would be to follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and perform this simple ‘Istakharah’ prayer and supplicate your Lord to help you and guide you to a decision that is Pleasing to Him and is best for you in your life in this world and the Hereafter. Then wherever the matter settles, and whatever transpires after you have put your full trust in your Lord Most Gracious, know with conviction that that was the absolute best decision.

The following is from the book "Selected Prayers" compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.

"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"

Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam. Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.

Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi
Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.

Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi. Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur leyal-khayr Haytho kan. Thomma ardini Bih.


Translation of du'a:

O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.

Notes:
1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.

2. After performing wudu' (ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the translation above.

5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.

Salatul istekharahfrom the book Fiqh us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between permissible alternatives, one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular sunnah prayers or a
prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the
Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:

"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it. "There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many times one should repeat it.

An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself
desired or determined."

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan