Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

asalam-o-alaikum! i`m a muslim & i want 2 ask u that my husband giv more preference 2 his mom as compared 2 me, he even gav my things 2 his mom, he didnt care about me much, whenevr my mother-in-law came at our place or if v visit her place she make me & my husband fight.during my pregnancy his attitude wasnt good.there r many other things that i`ve faced. so i`m planning 2 leave my husband alongwith my 6 months old baby. can u plz guide me in this. thnx.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Give preference to mother than wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Statement: i`m a muslim & i want 2 ask u that my husband giv more preference 2 his mom as compared 2 me,

Beloved sister, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance Islam has laid upon its followers in serving one’s parents. The Lord Most Gracious has Commanded and made it an absolutely obligatory duty and responsibility of the believers to serve their parents with humility, sincerity, love, mercy, tenderness, kindness and consideration, regardless of their belief.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-25:

23 Your Lord has Decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them; but address them in terms of honor.

24 And out of kindness, lower to them the wings of humility, and say: "O my Lord! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood."

25 Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts: if ye do deeds of righteousness verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).

After the rights due to Allah Subhanah, in Islam the biggest rights in all of mankind is due to one’s parents. And after the rights of parents, is the rights of one’s near relatives, far relatives, muslims, neighbors, etc. In Islam, the guidance is that one must give all the rights due to each, without effecting the rights of others.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.2 Narrated by Abu Huraira

A man came to Allah's Messenger (saws) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your father."

For instance, one cannot take away the right due to one’s parents, and give them to their wives and children. Neither can he take away the rights of their wives and children and give them to their parents. There should be a proper balance, and a muslim, who indeed fears Allah and the Last Day, should give each party its rights without effecting the rights of the other.

Regarding the rights and obligations of one’s parents in Islam, it is absolutely imperative and obligatory on every believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to treat and obey their parents in absolutely everything, except if they ask you to do something which is against the command of Allah and His Messenger (saws). Other than that, their word is basically a command! One is not allowed under any circumstances to groan, moan, growl, whimper or even say ‘uff’ to them! The child must obey their parents in absolutely every respect, as long as their command is not against Allah and His Messenger (saws). The believers have been enjoined by Allah Subhanah to be kind to them, be patient with them, be merciful to them, be obedient to them, and treat them with the utmost respect. So much so, that this right and obligation towards one’s parents in Islam is termed ‘fard ain’ (absolutely obligatory for every individual) in Islam. And ‘fard ain’ means, that no matter how old one is … 10-20-50-90… as long as one or both of one’s parents are alive, one has to be devoutly obedient to them! No one can do this on another’s behalf… one is obligated to himself be obedient to his parents! This is the high station and the elevated ‘maqaam’ bestowed by Allah Subhanah for the parents in Islam.

Your Statement (again): i`m a muslim & i want 2 ask u that my husband giv more preference 2 his mom as compared 2 me,

Thus my beloved sister, if your husband is giving more preference to his mother (or father) than to you (his wife), provided he does not usurp your lawful rights, he is well within the boundaries of Islam.

If one were to give more preference to his wife rather than to his parents, then indeed that would be injustice, and untoward and unbecoming of the character of a believer!

Your Question: so i`m planning 2 leave my husband alongwith my 6 months old baby. can u plz guide me in this.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated by Thawban

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason, (even) the odour of Paradise will be forbidden to her!’

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if the reason you wish to separate and/or (Allah forbid) divorce your husband only because he gives more preference to his mother than to you (his wife); as your humble brothers and well-wishers in faith, in all humility and sincerity, we beseech and implore you to fear Allah your Lord, and re-consider your decision.

Beloved Sister in Islam, it is Allah Subhanah Who Himself has Commanded and guided the believers to manifest devout and ‘almost’ unconditional obedience and reverence to one’s parents; and regardless of whether one’s wife accepts this hierarchy of preference set by Allah Subhanah or not, it is the duty and responsibility of the husband, if indeed he sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, to give preference to the service, obedience, and reverence of his parents above everyone and everything in creation! If one does not do so, and intentionally or unintentionally says or does something which is against the consent of his parents, Allah is our witness sister, he will have to pay the ultimate penalty and price for his dis-respect and dis-obedience of his parents in the Supreme and Majestic Court of the Lord All-Mighty on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day in the Hereafter!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr

The Prophet (saws) said, "An undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one who is addicted to wine will not enter Paradise."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4933 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who casts up the favours he has done, he who is disobedient to parents, and he who is addicted to wine will not enter Paradise."

Beloved Sister in Islam, if only a wife could realize that a wife today will be a parent tomorrow….would she not then wish that her child gives more preference to the one who bore him in her womb in travail upon travail for nine months, weaned him selflessly for years, and loved and cherished him till he became an adult to give her more preference than everyone in creation???

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 13-14:

13 Behold Luqman said to his son by way of instruction: "O my son! Join not in worship (others) with Allah: for false worship is indeed the highest wrong-doing."

14 And We (Allah) have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command:) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.”

Beloved Sister in Islam, if the only reason you seek separation and (Allah forbid) divorce from your husband is because he gives preference to his mother rather than to you……provided he does not usurp any of your lawful rights, he may be guilty in the eyes of this ungodly, impious, and ignorant world; but in the Sight of Allah Subhanah he will be victorious and successful.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan