I have a cousin she is 8 years older than me, I want to marry her

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother Aslam Alikum!

I am very pleased that i have a teacher like you , whatever i asked you replied it very well. May Allah smile upon you and you succeed in all parts of life.

Dear brother i have got a personal problem, i want to have your kind advise over it. Please do not publish this message on website and/or never expose this to any person.

My problem is :-

I have a cousin she is 8 years older than me, I want to marry her but she always mention the age difference . she says she has`nt got any problem except the age difference. Please tell me what should i do as i cant live without her.
one more question , I used to call her "baji" when i was young, is there any problem in it ?

Please reply me as soon as possible because its very important to me.
Thanks and Regards,

Allah Hafiz.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Marry older woman

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: I have a cousin she is 8 years older than me, I want to marry her but she always mention the age difference . she says she has`nt got any problem except the age difference. Please tell me what should i do as i cant live without her.

Provided all the other legal conditions of marriage are fulfilled (proposal and acceptance, determination of the mehr amount, presence of at least two witnesses, and the consent of the guardian of the bride), it is absolutely permissible in Islam for a man to marry a woman who is elder to him.

The biggest evidence of the permissibility of a believer marrying an elder woman in Islam is the marriage itself of the Noble Prophet (saws) to his most beloved and first wife, Hadrat Khadijah (r.a.). At the time of their marriage, the Prophet (saws) was 25 years of age and Hadrat Khadijah (r.a.) was 40!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith Narrated byAisha

I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet as much as I did of his first wife Khadijah, though I did not see her, but the Prophet used to mention her very often, and whenever he slaughtered a sheep, he would cut its parts and send some of them to the women friends of Khadija. When I said to him (saws), "What makes you remember an old woman from amongst the old women of Quraish: an old woman (with a teethless mouth) of red gums, who died long ago, and in whose place Allah has given you somebody better than her?" He (saws) replied: ‘Khadijah believed in the Message when none on earth believed me, she was such-and-such (praising her noble qualities), and from her I had children."

Your Question: Please tell me what should i do as i cant live without her.

Beloved brother, one of the obligatory conditions of marriage in Islam is that the woman must agree to the marriage proposal. If the sister is not willing or agreeing to accept your marriage proposal for any reason, there is not much you can do except try to plead your case to her and get her to accept it.

If she has absolutely made up her mind, and after she has firmly refused to marry you for whatever reason, you still persist or bother her or stalk her or cause her any inconvenience whatsoever, it would indeed be deemed as a sin against you.

Your Question: I used to call her "baji" when i was young, is there any problem in it?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verses 4-6:

4 Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his (one) body: nor has He made your wives whom ye divorce by Zihar your mothers: nor has He made your adopted sons your sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth and He shows the (right) Way.

5 Call them by (the names) of their fathers: that is juster in the sight of Allah but if ye know not their father's (names call them) your Brothers in faith or your Maulas. But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.

6 The Prophet is closer to the Believers than their own selves and his wives are their mothers. Blood-relations among each other have closer personal ties in the Decree of Allah than (the Brotherhood of) Believers and Muhajirs: nevertheless do ye what is just to your closest friends: such is the writing in the Decree (of Allah).

Beloved Brother in Islam, actual blood-relations which Allah Subhanah has Himself created amongst each other have closer ties in the Sight of Allah; thus by simply calling someone a ‘baaji’ does not in effect make her one’s actual mehram sister.

Cousins are considered non-mehrams in Islam and it is absolutely permissible in Islam to seek them in marriage, regardless of whatever ‘name’ one has called them or thought of them in the past.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan