Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Isaalam-wa laikum, I would like to ask about masturbation, i`m married to a non muslim woman and when we were dating sex was abundant, but alas it was fornication, so by the grace of allah we got married now it seems that the sex has stopped very gradually, we can go weeks with out any sexual contact not to mention that I`m only 234 years old and I get a lot of attention from other women,well I tend to masturbate from time to time just to kill my sexual urges, because if I`m sexually aroused by my wife and she doesn`t want to have sex what should I do i don`t want to cheat on her. If you could give me some insight(inshallah)it would be greatly appreciated. 

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Answer:

Masturbation

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Statement: i`m married to a non muslim woman

Brother, you have not mentioned what exactly you mean by a non-muslim woman. If she is a Jew or a Christian, then your marriage with her is valid in the sight of Islam; but if she is any other non-muslim, like a Hindu, Budhist, Jain, etc., then the marriage is not valid. But if your wife has accepted the religion of Islam, then she is a muslim and your marriage is obviously legal in the sight of Islam.

Zina (fornication and adultery) is amongst the ‘kabaair’ (grave) sins of Islam; for which Allah and His Messenger (saws) has ordained 80 lashes as punishment for fornication and capital punishment for the sin of adultery! These are only the punishments for the sin in this worldly life, and the punishment of one who commits these grave sins and dies without repentance, is much greater in the Hereafter!

The act of masturbation is prohibited in Islam, and must be avoided by the believers. But just to put it into perspective, the sin of masturbation is not as grave as the sin of ‘zina’ (adultery or fornication). But it definitely is a sin, and an evil act, and must be avoided by the believers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter24 Surah Noor verse 30:O Prophet, enjoin the believing men to restrain their gaze, and guard their private parts. This is a more righteous way for them. Allah has knowledge of whatever they do.

Allah has commanded the believers to lower their gaze, and guard their chastity. This is a more righteous way for them. The act of ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) is a great sin in Islam. The Prophet (saws) warned us against committing ‘zina’ of the eyes, ‘zina’ of the feet, ‘zina’ of the hands, etc. If one’s eyes are constantly watching sexual movies, magazines, etc. it would be considered ‘zina’ of the eyes. If one goes to the place to commit ‘zina’ or to the place of sexual movies, magazines, etc., it would be considered ‘zina’ of the feet. Similarly, the act of masturbation, could be considered a ‘zina’ of the eyes, or hands, etc. It is a sin and an evil act, and must be avoided by the believers.

Under no circumstances can the sin of masturbation be permitted! But if one finds himself in a situation, where he has been swayed by his emotions and finds himself in a situation whereby he is absolutely unable to control himself from the sin of actual ‘zina’ and the only options left with him is the choice between zina or masturbation, then the scholars have opined that in such circumstances, where the person is absolutely unable to resist himself and avoid committing the sin of ‘zina’; he should opt for the smaller of the two sins (masturbation). But again, we reiterate, that both, masturbation and zina are sins in Islam; and one should not put himself in a situation whereby he is compelled by his emotions to disobey and transgress the boundaries set by Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 17-18:Note it well that Allah’s acceptance of repentance is for those people only, who commit an evil in ignorance, and then repent of it soon after. Allah again turns kindly to such people, for Allah is All Knowing, All Wise. But there is no repentance for those people who persist in their evil deeds until the dying hour comes to anyone of them; then he says, “Now I repent!.” Nor is repentance for them who die as unbelievers. For such people, We have prepared a painful torment.

Your Question: because if I`m sexually aroused by my wife and she doesn`t want to have sex what should I do i don`t want to cheat on her. If you could give me some insight(inshallah)it would be greatly appreciated. 

Islam has given the right to both the husband and the wife, that whenever one of them has a desire to have sex, the other should oblige immediately. The one who denies sex will be committing a sin.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."

If your wife is God Fearing and learns the above hadith and understands its implications, it is expected that she will fear Allah, and oblige and fulfill her duties unto you.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan