IF his and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong Islamically to marry each other?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear
Brother,
Assalamualeikum,
I am a
divorcee with a child... my ex-husband has left us for good, promising never to
see us or interfere in our lives, or spend anything out of his wealth for me or
my child.
Before
this failed marriage, I had got a proposal from a person, but my parents turned
it down because his mother had refused to allow for the marriage. But I liked
him very much and he liked me too. Now that he came to know of my divorce, he
has once again proposed for marriage with me and has promised to accept the
responsibility of my child and me and to keep us happy forever, Inshallah.
Though
my parents have initially agreed yet they want him to get approval from his
mother.
I have
a strong liking for him and wish to get married to him.. I have performed
Istekhara many a times and to my knowledge, till date, my heart has accepted
him even more than before and even the circumstances have been positively in
his favour, according to me.
I pray
2 rakahs after every namaz to seek Allah`s guidance... Allahmdulillah, my heart
is confident that he will keep me and my child happy. Though I am worried about
his family as they have decided not to accept me and my child.
My
parents, also of late have been saying that he is not suitable for me....
IF his
and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong
Islamically to marry each other?
Though
I feel he is good, my parents suggest he is not so good for me, should I take
my parents suggestion as the result of the istekhara or what my heart says as
the result?
I know
this person is not very religious, and he has been very frank about it. He
doesnt hide anything about himself and his deen and is honest to me. Though he
is a HAJi, yet he says he has not been very regular about namaz/fasting. But he
has assured me that once we get married Inshallah, he will start all the
rituals and become more religious.
Do you
think, a person who is not very religious at present, will not change in
future? Do you think that just becoz he is not that religious now, I should
drop the idea of marrying him, even if after the istekhara, I have had a
positive feeling for him ?
Pls
guide me, Jazakallah Khair
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Marry impious person
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: IF
his and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong
Islamically to marry each other?
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if you can convince your
parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the man of your
choice; but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry
that particular man, marry another man whom both you and your parents approve
of……but whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a
voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of one’s parents is an
absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah
and the Last Day.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with great
kindness; if either or both of them
attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)
what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave
Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has
forbidden to kill)
(4) And to give a false witness."
Second only to the absolute gravest sin and abomination of
‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the
Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to one’s parents!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have
a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he
had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the
gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Your Question: I
know this person is not very religious, and he has been very frank about it. He
doesnt hide anything about himself and his deen and is honest to me. Though he
is a HAJi, yet he says he has not been very regular about namaz/fasting.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your
daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be
temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'
Provided the person is a ‘muslim’ and eligible for
marriage, the marriage itself will be legal and valid in the Sight of Shariah
Law.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided and advised the
believing woman to seek in marriage someone with whose character and practice
of religion one is satisfied with. As
much as you maybe satisfied with the character of the suitor, it would only be
prudent to satisfy yourself completely with his practice in religion before you
commit yourself to the sacred bond of marriage with the person.
Your Question: Do
you think, a person who is not very religious at present, will not change in
future?
‘Emaan’, faith, belief and religion is a condition of
one’s heart, and the conditions of another’s heart is known to none save Allah
Subhanah. Beloved Sister, it is possible that one who is very religious today
may turn an apostate tomorrow; and one who is a weak muslim today may become a
very strong muslim tomorrow!
Your Question: Do
you think that just becoz he is not that religious now, I should drop the idea
of marrying him, even if after the istekhara, I have had a positive feeling for
him ?
Beloved Sister, although we always strive to abstain from
giving ‘our’ opinions on this forum, since you have specifically asked for our
humble opinion on this matter….as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in
faith, our humble advise to you would be to not accept this particular proposal
unless and until two criteria are satisfactorily honored:
- You
obtain the consent and approval of your parents to the marriage,
- and
most importantly, you are completely satisfied with the practice of his
religion.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your
daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be
temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister