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Abstain from marriage for past.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamoalykum. i have a very big problem. i falled in love with some one since i was a child he also loved me we had done some foreplays also(only kissing and hugging) we both had accsepted each other as hasband and wife but unfortunately he betrayed me but still i love him i think he is the only one who can touch me, who can love me. And by this im not ready to marry anyone so tell me wht shoud i do and what are the punishments for me by Allah for my sin. Plz reply me as soon as possible`


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Abstain from marriage for past

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


The mere acceptance of two non-mehrams amongst themselves as husband-and-wife without fulfilling all the obligatory rites of a ‘Nikaah’ in Shariah is to make a complete mockery of the sacred institution of marriage in Islam!


Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, whatever deeds one might have done in one’s past in one’s ignorance, if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: ‘Shirk’!


The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

  • One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
  • Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
  • Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.
  • Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.



Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."


Thus my beloved sister, first and foremost, you should turn unto your Lord in sincere ‘taubah’ and seek forgiveness for the sins you might have committed in your unlawful relationship in your ignorance…..if your repentance is indeed sincere, you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful, Insha Allah.


Secondly, it would neither be wise nor intelligent for you to abstain from seeking to marry another eligible believer and start your own family only because of your assumptions regarding the person who ‘betrayed’ you in your unlawful relationship! Although you could not get what you intended or what the person promised (ie. marriage) in that unlawful relationship, ‘Mr. Slick’ split when he got what he intended from you! ….and the honest truth is sister, you are not the only girl whose innocence and honor was betrayed ….. but the majority of innocent and unsuspecting girls who tread this dreaded path of ‘falling-in-love-before-marriage’ assuming their destination to be noble, are left high and dry by the ‘Mr. Slicks’ who would promise them the earth to fulfill their evil and unlawful desires of ‘lust’ in the name of ‘love’!


Thus in conclusion sister, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our advice to you would be to first and foremost seek the sincere forgiveness of your Lord Most Merciful for whatever transpired in the past…..and bring yourself to absolutely delete that ‘unfortunate’ and absolutely unlawful relationship from your heart…..for to abstain from lawfully seeking to unite yourself in the sacred bond of marriage with a pious and eligible believer only for the sake of the ‘unlawful adventures of Mr. Slick’ would be to allocate worthiness to an absolutely worthless, illegal and unlawful episode of one’s past!


It would neither be wise, nor intelligence, nor guidance to compound the making of one error by topping it by another more serious and lasting error!


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,







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