Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

when i was doing my graduation then i fell in love with a girl. we got very close to each other and had pre marital sex. but soon i realised that i have committed the most heinous sin of fornication. i asked for forgiveness to ALLAH pak. to ensure that we do not commit any further sin i got married to her but i did not inform my parents because i knew that they would not allow me to do so before i complete my education. time passed and my relationship with my wife became very bad. the main reason was that i did not want to offend my parents by informing them about the marriage. so i wanted to wait till the right time comes .but my wife and her parents started pressurizing me to take her home. but i was waiting for the right time. now because of the delay, my relationship with the girl has worsened. she abuses me.she hates me. she wants me to leave her. but the girls father wants her to remain with me. my wife tells me that why dont u die so that i get rid of this problem once and for all. she curses me, dehumanizes me. my only crime is that i am waiting for the right time for things to happen. we have had so many fights that i do not know the future of this relationship. once in anger i divorced her thrice but immediately revoked what i said and repented. she pushes me so much that i cant control myself. she fights a lot. i divorced her again in a fit of anger but immediately revoked it again and repented. this time i said only once in anger. sometimes she says she wants to live with me and sometimes she wants me to die, never see my face again. sometimes the girl is very loving and caring but sometimes she is abusive, wishing for my death and cursing me. i am totally confused. she curses me all the time. she wants me to burn in the fire of hell.i made my parents meet her parents. but my father disapproves her family.i married her so that i save us from the sin of fornication. but her parents want things to happen within a month. my father wants me to complete my education and he also does not like her parents.my father still does not know about the marriage. i just want time. but now things have taken a very bad shape. the girl thinks that i have a 100 deficiencies. she degrades me all the time. sometimes she is good but sometimes she is very bad. sometimes she says she wants to spend her entire life with me. but sometimes she asks for divorce from me 10000 times. she makes me go mad and sometimes she also apologizes. when she is very very angry she says wrong about islam, faith and ALMIGHTY.(MAY ALLAH FORGIVE HER FOR WHAT SHE SAYS).SHE THINKS TAHT ALL THE WRONG IN HER LIFE IS HAPPENING COZ OF ALMIGHTY. sometimes she will start reading namaz timely but when something goes wrong from my side, she will abandon it.we have also had numerous verbal and physical fights. her parents r threatening to expose my marriage to my father. my father is a very respectable man .he will not be able to take this setback coz he will feel betrayed from my side.on the other hand the girl is making my life hell by not cooperating with me and mentally torturing me.i want ALLAH PAK to forgive me and show me the right path. i love ALLAH PAK a lot.i want my sins (of betraying my parents trust by not informing them and secretly marrying) to be forgiven. i am a very religious man but my wife is not one. we have had numerous fights because of her blasphemous attitude about religion and faith. i am not able to understand what she wants from me. please help me for ALLAH`S sake. 

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Answer:

Secrect marriage divorce

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: ………….once in anger i divorced her thrice but immediately revoked what i said and repented.she pushes me so much that i cant control myself.she fights a lot.i divorced her again in a fit of anger but immediately revoked it again and repented.this time i said only once in anger……….please help me for ALLAH`S sake. 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5 (part):

5 (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

The honorable institution of ‘Nikaah’ and marriage in Islam is a public affair; it is the evil of ‘zina’ which one does in privacy and secrecy!

Respected brother, by developing and maintaining a secret and illicit relationship with a non-mehram woman, committing the abomination of the grave sin of ‘zina’ or pre-marital sex, marrying the woman in secrecy without informing your parents and the society, divorcing your wife three times irrevocably and then unlawfully taking her back again, then again divorcing her, etc…..the truth is brother, you have made a complete mockery not only of the noble institution of marriage, but of the Laws and the Prescribed Boundaries of the Lord Most Majestic, Most Supreme!

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 230:

230 So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably) he cannot after that remarry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they reunite provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah which He makes plain to those who understand.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: Marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3292 Narrated by Mahmud ibn Labid

When Allah's Messenger (saws) was informed about a man who had divorced his wife, declaring it three times without any interval between them, he (saws) arose in anger and said, "Is a mockery being made of the Book of Allah Who is Great and Glorious, while I am amongst you?" As a result a companion got up and asked, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) shall I kill him?"

The absolute majority of the scholars are of the opinion that if one pronounces three divorces to one’s wife at one time, they will count as three and an irrevocable divorce will be established between the couple in the Sight of Shariah Law and in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. That was the ruling of even the noble companions of the Messenger of Allah (saws) of the stature of Hadrat Abdullah ibn Abbas (r.a.) and of Hadrat Abu Hurayrah (r.a.), etc.

Al-Muwatta Hadith 29.37

Yahya related from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Muhammad ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Thawban that Muhammad ibn Iyas ibn al-Bukayr said, "A man divorced his wife three times before he had consummated the marriage, and then it seemed good to him to marry her. Therefore, he wanted an opinion, and I went with him to ask Abdullah ibn Abbas and Abu Hurayra on his behalf about it, and they said, 'We do not think that he should marry her until she has married another husband.'

If you have already pronounced three divorces in the marriage, regardless of whether in anger or in jest, an absolutely irrevocable divorce has been established in your marriage in the Sight of Shariah Law and in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. It is not lawful for you to ever remarry the same woman again (leave alone pronounce a divorce upon her again!) until the woman happens to marry a new husband, and her new husband, happens to divorce her, or he dies!

Your Question:……….please help me for ALLAH`S sake. 

Respected brother, the one and only person who can help you now is ‘you’ yourself! Whatever you might have chosen to do in your past, you still have time to turn unto your Lord in ‘taubah’, seek sincere forgiveness from Him for your sins, amend your conduct, and strive your absolute utmost to live the rest of your life within His Prescribed Boundaries. If you are indeed sincere in your efforts, it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

Whatever deeds one might have done in one’s past, if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a repentant believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: ‘Shirk’! Not only that, The Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not only will forgive the sins of the believer, He will change their evil deeds done into good deeds!

The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:

• One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
• Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
• Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.
• Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:

The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, “Peace to you”; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, “O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place”. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery… He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id

Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan