My dad lost his temper and began to use highly offensive words.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
How are you? May this email find you in the best of faith and health. I have a few questions and would really appreciate your respone.
Alhamdula last year I was honoured with performing Hajj with my dad. Unfortunately inside the haram, my dad lost his temper and began to use highly offensive words. I got upset and asked him harshly to stop it. I know that goes against all of the core Islamic teachings both on my dad's part as well as mine. Does that render our hajj fruitless? What can we/I do to make up for it?
I know zina (illegal sexual intercourse for unmarried people) incures a punishment of 80 lashes, but what is is the punishment for one how basically had a partner for a short period of time, and done everything that married couples do except for sexual intercourse? Should such people inform their future spouse of their dirty past?
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Lose tember in hajj
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: ….my dad lost his temper and began to use highly offensive words. I got upset and asked him harshly to stop it. I know that goes against all of the core Islamic teachings both on my dad's part as well as mine. Does that render our hajj fruitless? What can we/I do to make up for it?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 197:
197 For Hajj are the months well known. If anyone undertakes that duty therein let there be no obscenity, nor wickedness, nor wrangling in the Hajj. And whatever good ye do (be sure) Allah knoweth it. And take a provision (with you) for the journey but the best of provisions is right conduct. So fear Me O ye that are wise.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 1740 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse or talk indecently.’
As much as every kind and type of wrangling, obscenity, and wickedness is categorically prohibited at all times for the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day, The Lord Most Majestic has specifically Commanded and Guided the believers to honor the sanctity of the Hajj and make a special effort to absolutely abstain from every type of wicked behavior and conduct.
If one overcome by emotions or by the situation lost their temper and used offensive words or abused someone, as much as they would have been deemed to have transgressed the clearly prescribed Boundaries of the Lord and committed a heinous sin….their unlawful behavior by itself would not render their Hajj fruitless.
Your Question: What can we/I do to make up for it?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"
If one did what they did in ignorance, subsequently felt ashamed at their commission of the sin, turned unto their Lord in ‘taubah’ and sincerely sought His Forgiveness….and if possible, also contacted the person whom they unjustly abused and humbly sought their forgiveness….it is expected that such repentant slaves will find their Lord Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Your Question: I know zina (illegal sexual intercourse for unmarried people) incures a punishment of 80 lashes, but what is is the punishment for one how basically had a partner for a short period of time, and done everything that married couples do except for sexual intercourse? Should such people inform their future spouse of their dirty past?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verse 2:
2 The woman and the man guilty of ‘zina’ (fornication) flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case in a matter prescribed by Allah if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
The prescribed punishment for those guilty of ‘zina’ (fornication) in Shariah is prescribed as a hundred lashes in public.
Your Question: …..but what is is the punishment for one how basically had a partner for a short period of time, and done everything that married couples do except for sexual intercourse?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:
Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.260 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
I have not seen a thing resembling 'lamam' (minor sins) than what Abu Huraira narrated from the Prophet (saws) who said "Allah has written for the children of Adan their share of ‘zina’ which he commits inevitably. The ‘zina’ of the eyes is the sight (to gaze at a forbidden thing), the ‘zina’ of the tongue is the talk, and the inner self wishes and desires and the private parts testify all this or deny it."
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
That he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: ‘The eye commits ‘zina’, and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.’
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 36 Surah Ya-Seen verse 65:
65 That Day shall We set a seal on their mouths. But their hands will speak to Us and their feet bear witness to all that they did.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Ha-Meem verses 19-23:
19 On the Day that the enemies of Allah will be gathered together to the Fire they will be marched in ranks.
20 At length when they reach the (Fire) their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them as to (all) their deeds.
21 They will say to their skins: "Why bear ye witness against us?" They (their skins) will say: "Allah hath given us speech, (He) Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time and unto Him were ye to return.
22 "Ye did not seek to hide yourselves lest your hearing, your sight, and your skins should bear witness against you! But ye did think that Allah knew not many of the things that ye used to do!
23 "But this thought of yours which ye did entertain concerning your Lord hath brought you to destruction, and (now) have ye become of those utterly lost!"
Although in legal terminology ‘zina’ would constitute the actual penetration of the male organ into the female organ out of wedlock, the Messenger of Allah (saws) warned the believers regarding the minor ‘zina’ of the eyes, hands, legs, etc. Not only is the evil act of ‘zina’ prescribed as absolutely forbidden in Islam, every path or every way that leads one to this evil path is also declared as forbidden! Such is the gravity of this abomination of ‘zina’, that Allah Subhanah Commands the believers in His Glorious Quran: ‘Do not even go near ‘zina’!!!
Thus if one intentionally sees and watches ‘fahisha’ (indecency), it would constitute ‘zina’ of the eyes; if one derives pleasure from talks of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the ears and mouth, if one touches or goes towards something or someone with the intention of ‘fahisha’, it would constitute ‘zina’ of the hands and the legs! Although there is no prescribed punishment for the ‘zina’ of the eyes, mouth, ears, hands and feet in the life of this world, if one dies without seeking ‘taubah’ and repentance from their Lord, he will be held severely accountable for the acts of ‘minor’ zina in the Presence of their Majestic Lord in the Hereafter.
Your Question: ….Should such people inform their future spouse of their dirty past?
It does not behove and befit a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, that when Allah Subhanah has covered and hidden the evil that has transpired in one’s past, to go around and expose it themselves!!!
Beloved sister, it would be prudent never ever to expose the evil one might have done in one’s past to anyone, especially after The Lord Most Gracious has concealed them Himself. It may happen that although the wife may confess the evil that transpired in her past to her husband with the best of intentions, but he may be of a nature whereby he cannot bring himself to accept the truth, and that might effect not only her honor in his eyes, but it might even have a negative effect on his marital relationship with her.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2492 Narrated by Hudhayfah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is not fitting for a believer to demean himself." On being asked how he could demean himself he (saws) replied, "By exposing himself to a calamity which he has not the capacity to endure."
It would be best and purest to confess the sins one might have committed or the evil that might have transpired in one’s past to none save Allah Subhanah; and never ever expose those deeds of the past which one is ashamed of to anyone in creation, especially after Allah Subhanah, in His Grace and Mercy, has concealed those deeds Himself.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.95 Narrated by Abu Huraira
I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying, "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the ‘Mujahireen’ (those who commit a sin openly, or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night, and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knew of the sin except the one who committed it and Allah), and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself."
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,