Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salam alaikum

iam a girl, proposed by my far relative, my wedding inshalla will be after 2 months, my fiance lives in another country, i have never seen him,nor has he, also we ave never talked to eacth other even once. we completely dont know each other, well i dont want to marry like tht, i want to feel comfortable with him when i first time see him. i think its not fair, but according the sharia, i read islam is encouraging the expected Couples to see each other before they get married, but in my case it is different..we cant see each other bcoz we live far from each other, and I also read that it is prohibited for them to keep any kind of contacts and communication since they are mahrams…so I would like to know wat is right and wat is prohibited, is it right if we keep In touch or we should stay quiet until we get married??

I don't want to feel uncomfortable and shy for the first time we meet.

Thanks very much, pls reply soon.

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Answer:

Communication with fiance

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Jaber related that the Prophet (saws) said: ‘When one of you seeks a woman in marriage let him look at whom he wishes to marry.’

Related by Abu Dawood

Mughirah ibn Shu'bah narrated: ‘I sought a woman in marriage. The Messenger of Allah (saws) asked me :’Have you seen her?’ I said : ‘No.’ He (saws) then said: Then look at her, because it is more proper that love should be cemented between you.’

Related by Ahmed, Ibn Majah, Nasai, and Trimidhi.

The guidance of Islam absolutely encourages the believers who wish to marry to see, or even meet and talk if they wish to do so with the girl they are contemplating marriage, provided the girl is accompanied by her mehram guardian like her father, or her uncle, or her adult brother, etc. There is absolutely no harm in such interaction, provided both parties fear Allah and they sincerely intend to marry each other.

But both parties should fear Allah and absolutely abstain from meeting or talking alone without the presence of the girls mehram amongst them, for that leaves the door wide open for the Shaytaan to play his mischief.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram) woman, the Shaytaan makes the third."

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, you have chosen to accept the proposal of marriage before and without opting to see or talk to the groom-to-be…and that too is perfectly acceptable in Shariah……. but by doing so you have obviously surrendered your right to talk and meet with your husband-to-be before you accept his proposal for marriage.

Under the stated circumstances and conditions, you could still talk or communicate with your husband-to-be, but only when a male mehram of yours like your father, uncle, or adult brother is present when you are communicating with him…..such interaction would still be within the prescribed ‘Boundaries’ of your Lord and Shariah.

But to communicate or interact with your fiancé without the presence of your male mehram relative would indeed be a manifest violation of the prescribed boundaries of your Lord.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan