I am 27 years old married man. I stay in a joint family. I love to stay with my family.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
I am 27 years old married man. I stay in a joint family. I love to stay with my family. But there are certain things that have changed after I got married and my wife finds it difficult to adjust. She wants to move out of the family so that we can enjoy together. We don`t want to hurt our parents. I have asked this to my parents and they are hurt by it and they don`t want us to separte. I know it`s permissable in Islam to stay separately. But I don`t want to hurt my parents in any condition. I love my wife as well. ANy help from you would be great.
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Seperate wife from parents law
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 46 Surah Ahqaaf verses 15-17:
15 We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: in pain did his mother bear him and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years he says "O my Lord! grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed upon me and upon both my parents and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."
16 Such are they from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and pass by their ill deeds: (they shall be) among the Companions of the Garden: a promise of truth which was made to them (in this life).
17 But (there is one) who says to his parents "Fie on you! Do ye hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up even though generations have passed before me (without rising again)? " And they two seek Allah's aid (and rebuke the son): "Woe to thee! Have Faith! For the promise of Allah is True." But he says "This is nothing but tales of the ancients!"
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 151:
151 Say: "Come I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents: kill not your children on a plea of want; We provide sustenance for you and for them; come not nigh to shameful deeds whether open or secret; take not life which Allah hath made sacred except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you that ye may learn wisdom.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 215:
215 They ask thee what they should spend (in charity). Say: ‘Whatever ye spend that is good is for parents and kindred and orphans and those in want and for wayfarers. And whatever ye do that is good Allah knoweth it well.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of
his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again): ‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’. I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again: ‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay
with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--
- To join others in worship with Allah,
- To be undutiful to one's parents,
- To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
- And to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr
The Prophet (saws) said, "An
undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one
who is addicted to wine will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.505 Narrated by Abdullah
I asked the Prophet (saws): "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He (saws) replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He (saws) replied, "To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet (saws) would have told me more."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.4 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
Allah's Messenger (saws) said. "It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.9 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
The Prophet said, "Al-Kaba'ir (the biggest sins) are: “To join others (as partners) in worship with Allah, to be undutiful to one's parents,and to take a false oath."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.248 Narrated byAbdullah bin Amr
A man came to the Prophet asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service."
Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the significance and importance Islam has laid upon the reverence, respect and service of one’s parents. The wife in Islam is well within her lawful rights to demand that her husband provide a separate accommodation for her away from her in-laws, and if the husband has the means, he should fear Allah and fulfill this lawful demand of his wife. The right the wife does not have is to demand or expect that her husband leaves his parents and moves in to live with her in the separate accommodation.
If your parents are hurt or do not consent to allow you to live separately, it would be your duty to obey your parents and continue living with them and serving them to the absolute best of your ability; but fulfill the lawful demand of your wife for a separate accommodation and you are well within your rights to visit her as often as you like and please.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,