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My father doesnot want me to get married yet because he wants my cousin sisters to get married first who are even older than me

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question: burhan


well i am from kashmir and there has been a type of war for last 17 years coming to th point i am aged 35 now and i havnt got married yet.

my father doesnot want me to get married yet because he wants my cousin sisters to get married first who are even older than me and it may take lot of time since we have shortage of young people in kashmir due to the war.and after a year or so i dont want to get married as i feel i am old.

now my question is that if i leave this SUNNAH of our beloved prophet(SAW) what is the punishment for far as i am concerned i have learnt that if we dont follow Fardh we commit sins and if we follow it we earn sawab,if we follow sunnah we earn sawab and if we leave it we dont have any sins.since i am very much confused please mail me the answer so that i can take a step.

shall i go against my father or shall i not do the marriage 



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Parents refusal to children marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Dear and beloved brother in Islam, first and foremost the institution of ‘marriage’ in Islam is not only a preferred Sunnah, but also a natural ‘fitra’ of mankind whereby not only does this institution help in lawfully fulfilling the natural desires of the man and the woman, but from this institution of marriage results the formation of pro-creation and a family, which forms the very back-bone of living one’s life on this earth.


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His (Allah’s) Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.


For no short measure or reason did the Messenger of Allah (saws) guide and encourage the believers who are of marriageable age to marry….and said that a man who marries has fulfilled ‘half’ his religion; for marriage would save the person from falling into unlawful temptations and help him lower his gaze and guard his modesty.


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."


Your Question: now my question is that if i leave this SUNNAH of our beloved prophet(SAW) what is the punishment for me

Beloved brother in Islam, your concept of what is ‘fard’ (obligatory) and ‘sunnah’ in Islam is indeed absolutely accurate….and it is not recommended or encouraged in islam not to marry, if there is one who chooses not to marry for whatever reason, there would be no sin upon him provided he has the power and is able to control his desires and live within the boundaries of Allah and His Messenger (saws).


Your Question: shall i go against my father

Dear and beloved brother, inspite of the many rights Allah Subhanah has bestowed upon one’s parents in Islam….it does not behove and befit a righteous God-fearing parent to indefinitely delay, or command their children never to marry….and especially for frivolous reasons like their off-spring cannot marry only because their other off-spring or loved ones have not yet been married.


Thus instead of going directly ‘against’ your father, the better, purer, and righteous method would be to humbly and politely talk to him and try to the best of your ability to politely convince him of your natural needs. If that does not work, it would be worth trying to talk to his loved ones, or his elders, or even one amongst his pious friends and seek their help in convincing him to give his permission. But whatever happens, and no matter how long it takes, brother we remind as we remind ourselves that under absolutely no circumstances should there ever come a time that you go ‘against’ your father, or are rude to him, or say an unpleasant word to him, or as much as even hurt his feelings in the least…..for dis-respect to one’s parents is one of the most heinous sins in the Sight of Allah Subhanah!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"


Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."


Second only to absolute gravest sin and abomination of ‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to parents!


Your Question: or shall i not do the marriage 

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, if that stage unfortunately ever arrives in your life that even after your very best efforts you are unable to, for whatever reason, get the consent of your parents to your marriage ….then know that obedience to one’s parents is ‘fard-ayn’ (absolutely obligatory) whereas one’s marriage is but a Sunnah (voluntary) in Islam. If you sacrifice your desires and your emotions only because your Lord has Commanded you to be obedient and dutiful to your parents, rest assured that the rewards that you will earn in the Presence of your Lord Most Gracious for your patience and your obedience will outweigh any pleasure that this worldly life can impart!


May Allah Subhanah have mercy upon you, give you the wisdom and the courage and especially the patience and constancy required to remain steadfast on the path you have chosen, and from His Mercy and Grace soften the hearts of your parents and make your trial easy for you. Ameen.


If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,




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