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Relationship between Boy and Girl before Marriage

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)



One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualikum Dear brother in Islam,

May Allah honour you for your good deeds. I have been receiving emails from ur site , this has helped me acquire more knowledge about islam and made me more strong in following the religion.


My questions is that with Allahs protection i have always tried to stay away from Haram things, but as they say sins are done by Humans ,I want to confess about something and want to know how major the sin is , which I have done and how to repent from it. Please tell me what duas to recite for forgiveness from Allah for this sin. I would be really grateful to you for guiding me to the right path.


Iam 23yrs old and all my life i have stayed away from men and from getting into any relationship that is haram in Islam , never been touched by any man, never got into any love relationships till last week. I had started liking a boy but i for the past six months but never showed it to him as i was scared of the extent this love relation might get into . I wanted to wait till i get married to him and then tell him that i like him . But he said he likes me and expected the same in return although i tried to avoid his desires but i finally told him i liked him . After we said this to each other his expectations grew more , i had always restricted him from even coming close to me.


He understood that i don't like all this physical attraction before marriage for a while he was ok but again suddenly he wanted to discuss sex.


Honestly speaking i didn't know how much is allowed in this relationship i had experienced it for the first time, he assured me it is right to talk about it , I don't know what happened to me that night i coudn't stop him and he told me every thing about how it is done. From that day onwards iam feeling very guilty , i think i shouldn't have known it , i should have stopped him from telling every thing about it to me.


Please brother guide me what should i do now, physically he hasn't even touched me , he hasn't even seen me without my viel , this thing was discussed on the internet , havn't even heard his voice but i am feeling guilty . Need your guidance and pls pray that Allah forgives me from listening to this shameful act before marriage.


Awaiting a reply from you , JazakAllah Khair.


(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)




Relationship between Boy and Girl before Marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


Islam allows the believers who wish to marry a woman to meet her and talk to her; provided she is accompanied by a male-mehram relative of hers. Islam absolutely prohibits a non-mehram man and a woman having any sort of an illicit relationship; or meeting in private; or having a vain or indecent conversation.


Dear Sister in Islam, your guilt, your pain, and your repentance is evident from your letter. May Allah Subhanah reward you for your righteousness, and increase your piety and God-consiousness. Indeed, you were swayed by emotions, and you erred in talking vain/indecent talk with a non-mehram man. Allah has guided you to realize your mistake; and the best thing to do now is to turn to Allah Subhanah in sincere repentance and Taubah; for Allah is indeed Merciful and Forgiving to those who turn to Him.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 17-18: Allah accepts the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance, and repent soon afterwards; to them will Allah turn in mercy; for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom. Of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil until death faces one of them and he says, "Now have I repented indeed"; nor of those who die rejecting faith: for them have We prepared a punishment most grievous.


Your Statement: but as they say sins are done by Humans.

Indeed, to err is human. And the Messenger of Allah (saws) described this in a very beautiful way:


The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: All of you (mankind) are sinners! And the best (or most loved) of the sinners in the sight of Allah, are those who ask for His forgiveness.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumar verse 53: (O Mohamed) Say (to the believers): "O my Servants, who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.


Your Question: I want to confess about something and want to know how major the sin is , which I have done and how to repent from it.

My dear Sister, the honest Truth of the matter is that most people, who do not fear Allah and the Last Day, would do what you have done and not even care about it! But the true believers, who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day, are those who are immediately concerned if they transgress any of the boundaries set by Allah Subhanah; and their nafs immediately cajoles them for breaking the law of the Merciful; and they immediately turn to their Merciful Lord and ask for His Forgiveness and Mercy.


The deed that you have done is definitely not a major sin in Islam; but it is an act which if left unchecked, might lead one to a major sin. The usool or base law in the deen is that if something is declared haraam by Allah and His Messenger (saws) (eg. Zina); everything that leads to that act is also deemed haraam!


The conditions or way to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord is:

One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.

Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.

Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.

Is a believer and does righteous good deeds.


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Thus, all one has to do if one has sinned, is be aware of his evil deed, feel sorry and ashamed for having done the deed, make a solemn covenant with his Lord that he will never repeat it again, turn to Allah Subhanah and seek forgiveness, and do righteous good deeds thereafter. He will find his Lord Merciful and Forgiving.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your Brother in Islam,





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