Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamu Aleikum!

I recently convert to Islam, and I am aware that we cannot speak to the opposite sex or develope relationships with them.

I was wondering how you would find a good person to marry if you can`t speak to anyone?

And if you do find someone, you would obviously have to speak to them for a while before knowing that this person is right for you....So how would the situation go about?

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Answer:

How to choose person for marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verses 125-127:

125 Those whom Allah Wills to guide, He openeth their breast to Al-Islam; those whom He Wills to leave straying, He makes their breast close and constricted as if they had to climb up to the skies! Thus doth Allah (heap) the penalty on those who refuse to believe.

126 This (Al-Islam) is the way of thy Lord leading straight: We have detailed the Signs for those who receive admonition.

127 For them will be a Home of Peace in the Presence of their Lord: He will be their Friend because they practiced (righteousness).

Beloved Sister in Islam, may Allah Subhanah bless your reversion to the Truth of Al-Islam, and bestow upon you His Mercy, His Grace, and wisdom and courage to remain steadfast on the path you have chosen until your last breath. Ameen.

Your Question: I recently convert to Islam, and I am aware that we cannot speak to the opposite sex or develope relationships with them.

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, it is not that Islam absolutely prohibits a believer to speak to a non-mehram member of the opposite sex…..but if one has a genuine need, there is absolutely no harm in speaking or dealing with anyone; but those who fear Allah should do so in an absolutely just and business-like manner.

What Islam does prohibit is the casual talking, and mixing, and meeting, and dating, etc. between non-mehram members of the opposite sex, thus paving the way for lewdness, secret intrigues, and the abomination of ‘zina’! Such casual interaction with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex is indeed absolutely forbidden in Islam for both, the believing men and the believing women.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 …. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who are losers.

Your Question: I was wondering how you would find a good person to marry if you can`t speak to anyone?

One does not seek marriage to a good person by casually talking or inter-acting ‘freely’ with every non-mehram member of the opposite sex!

Besides, Islam lays such importance to the formation, foundation, and keeping excellent relations with one’s extended families, that it is only natural that when a girl (or boy) gets of marriageable age in a believing household, the well-wishers amongst the extended families pour the guardians of the girl (or boy) with marriage proposals of eligible suitors they know. It is then entirely upto the guardians and the girl (or boy) to thoroughly investigate the person, the family, the reputation, the state of their religion of the suitor, etc. and make an educated choice and decision.

A choice and decision made in such a manner is obviously better and more transparent, than the decision made by simply talking to a smooth and sweet-talking slick who might be able to convince an unsuspecting girl (or boy) to get what he (she) desires.

Your Question: And if you do find someone, you would obviously have to speak to them for a while before knowing that this person is right for you....So how would the situation go about?

Jaber related that the Prophet (saws) said: ‘When one of you seeks a woman in marriage let him look at whom he wishes to marry.’ Related by Abu Dawood

Mughirah ibn Shu'bah narrated: ‘I sought a woman in marriage. The Messenger of Allah (saws) asked me :’Have you seen her?’ I said : ‘No.’ He (saws) then said: Then look at her, because it is more proper that love should be cemented between you.’ Related by Ahmed, Ibn Majah, Nasai, and Trimidhi.

When one does find someone whom one desires to marry, Islam absolutely encourages the couple to meet and talk to their heart’s content with the permission, consent, and in the presence of a mehram of the girl….so that the two of them might be encouraged to marry each other.

Beloved Sister, Islam has opened every door that leads to the sacred and honorable institution of marriage….and tried to block every door and angle which leads to the dishonorable, immoral, and evil road that leads to the abomination of ‘zina’ (fornication and adultery).

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram)woman, the Shaytaan makes the third!"

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan