Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

May Allah reward you with blessings!

Is there is any verse/hadith which says something like:

"Mary whom you Like"

If so How can a God fearing pious person find Likeness for a lady until he see her!?

If He is God fearing to see ladies how would he decide to mary a particular women?

or if He would so much shy to propose a particular lady?he fears if he chooses the wrong one due to which problems/fights arose in the future?what should he do? in the light of Islam?

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

How to choose to Marry

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: Is there is any verse/hadith which says something like: "Mary whom you Like"

Not only are there several hadiths which induce the believers to marry whom they like; but there are Quranic Aayahs which guide the believers to marry whom they like.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice :two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.

The Messenger of Allah encouraged the believing men who wished to marry to see and talk to the woman (in the presence of her mehram) they sought to marry; so that the couple would be encouraged to unite in the sacred bond of marriage. One should never marry whom one does not like!

Your Question: If so How can a God fearing pious person find Likeness for a lady until he see her!? If He is God fearing to see ladies how would he decide to mary a particular women?

When one is of marriageable age, it is only natural that family and friends would start looking for a suitable suitor for the person. The absolute first thing that reaches the person is the reputation of the other; and if the suitor (boy or girl) is comfortable with the reputation, he may seek the help of his mother, sisters, aunts, etc. for his initial investigation of the suitor, and if he wants to take the matter further, there is absolutely no harm in arranging a meeting with the girl, provided she is accompanied by her mehram relative.

The Messenger of Allah guided and declared the unfailing criteria for the believing men when seeking a woman in marriage:

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

Likwise, the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the guardians of the believing woman with the unfailing criteria when seeking a suitor for their daughters and sisters:

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'

Your Question: or if He would so much shy to propose a particular lady?

In keeping with the teachings and etiquettes of Islam, the man should propose or send a proposal to the guardians of the lady rather than proposing directly to her.

Your Question: he fears if he chooses the wrong one due to which problems/fights arose in the future?what should he do? in the light of Islam?

If one follows the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws), and fears Allah in his dealings with his spouse, the chances of success of the marriage would increase substantially. When any two people live together, and especially if they are husband and wife, the circumstances and trials of life dictate the nature of the problems faced; and this natural phenomena should be expected. Serious problems and fights in any relationship are almost always due to impatience and one usurping the rights of the other; but if both parties fear Allah, have patience with each other, and strive to give their due rights, the Shaytaan would not have an opportunity to sow discord in the relationship.

Statistics have clearly proven today that the modern, educated, freedom/fun-loving but ungodly society which strongly propagates the concept of free-mixing, causal meeting, talking, dating, dining, and even living with a suitor for a period of time before marriage to ‘check-out’ the person one wishes to marry have had disastrous results in their marital relationships in those societies! Rampant divorce, unwed and single mothers, children born out of wedlock, broken hearts, broken lives, extensive immorality and broken families are the direct result of such ignorance!

Allah is our witness, if one wishes peace and harmony in one’s marital relationships and in society; the one and only route that leads to that peace is to follow the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws). Allah is our witness, all other path leads to nothing but severe loss, temptations, and extensive corruption.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and sincere well wisher in Islam,

Burhan