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Bigger family status for marriage

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)


One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

As salam mu allai kum,


Great effort by you for answering all the queries.


Some people say that, "When we marry our daughter we need to get her married in a bigger family and when we get our son married we need to get the bride from a smaller family". Can this be proved from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammed (pbuh)?


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Bigger family status for marriage  

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the guardians of the believing woman with the unfailing criteria when seeking a suitor for their daughters and sisters:


Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090        Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'


Likewise the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided and declared the unfailing criteria for the believing men when seeking a woman in marriage:

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith  7.27         Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."


The above simple, concise but absolutely invaluable advice of the one who was sent with the Truth, Mohamed The Messenger of Allah (saws), to the believers who choose to marry is to look for a righteous, pious, and God-fearing woman/man as their life-partner, otherwise they would surely be losers! 


If one chooses to marry because of wealth, he/she should know that wealth is amongst the most disloyal of possessions; it comes at its own will, and leaves at its own will! 


If one chooses to marry a person because of his/her family lineage, one should know that many a pious parent have given birth to impious children; and there is absolutely no guarantee that one born of good lineage will adhere to the principles of goodness! 


Thus the closest one can come to obtaining a guarantee of peace, tranquility, harmony and love in marriage is if one takes the wise counsel and guidance of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and chooses to give weight to wealth of piety and God-consciousness; which can only be expected to increase with time!  


He/She would recognize the role, the duties, and the responsibilities in marriage and because he/she is the one who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, it is expected that he/she would strive to live within the boundaries laid upon them by Allah.


Now to answer your specific question:

There is nothing in the sunnah of Prophet Mohamed s.a.w.s that one has to seek a bigger family for their daughters and a smaller family for their sons.


The only criteria one should seek strongly is to ensure that the Deen of the boy/girl is correct and of a high standard. After that it is normal to see that the boy/girl has a good character, and comes from a respectable family. Wealth and beauty comes in the later categories of requirements.


If one trusts,  obeys,  and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),   one can be assured of never ever being misled;   but if one believes,  obeys and follows any other guidance,  other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws),  one can be assured of being led astray.  


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,



Members of Islamhelpline




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