Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Salaam Brothers....

My spouse was outside of the country for 3 months recently. I have been happily married for 9 years with 2 kids alhamdulillah. But upon my wife`s return from away she told me that an old "crush" man called her while she was there and they talked about 10 times over a period of 3 weeks. She had not seen him at all stricly on the phone as verified by her very religous sister. Unfortunetely and fortunetely her sister was near her while they chatted about their current life situations and how naseeb carried out (for 3 weeks!). She only left the home with her parents, brothers or sisters and never by herself. I know she had done anything with him, because I believe the facts as they happened and she told be because her concious got the best of her (3 weeks later).

My problem is that I am a very, very, very well known person in my large community and the brother of the gentleman my wife spoke with is good friends with one my best friends. I dont know what the current or future intentions of the gentleman that my wife spoke with (whom is married with kids as well) and whether or not he will tell anybody that he carried on a 3 week period of conversations with my wife. Given that, I feel that if something comes out or any rumors begin to leak or spill I might feel the need to divorce my wife because it is really, really affecting me.

I am very lost. Lately I feel like my back is broken and that my legs have been taken out from underneath me. As of late I am truly in a state of depression and unable to focus. Divorce is easy for a man, but difficult for a family of four.

Please advise ASAP. 

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Answer:

Divorce because wife spoke to ex

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Respected brother, if emotions got the better of your wife and she spoke to her ex several times over a period of a short time, although it was not right and proper for her to do so…..you should not make a big deal out of it and take the matter all the way to (Allah forbid) a divorce!

That your ‘geerah’ or self-respect is hurt is understandable, and it is a sign of your piety and your righteousness that your ‘geerah’ was aroused. But if your wife admitted that her emotions got the better of her and she made the error, and she undertakes not to do so again….it would only be an extension of your piety and your righteousness and the fear of your Lord that you excuse and overlook and forgive this innocent error of your wife and save your marriage.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Nur Verse 22:

22 Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen those in want and those who have left their homes in Allah's cause: let them forgive and overlook: do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

Every man is prone to error; and it is our own ardent desire that our Lord Most Gracious overlooks and forgives our innumerable errors and injustices which we do knowingly or unknowingly on a daily basis. Just as we wish that our Lord Most Gracious forgive us our errors, it would only be piety and righteousness that we too forgive the errors and the injustices done to us by our loved ones for the Sake of Allah Subhanah.

Respected brother, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we beg and beseech you in the Name of your Lord Most Gracious to overlook and forgive this unintentional error of your wife and save your marriage…..it may be that your Lord Most Merciful will overlook and forgive you the many amongst your own faults done unto Him.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan