Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Scholar,

Thank you so much for the detailed response.

Day by day my mother’s weakness is increasing the situation is becoming worse. After a long thought I got a solution. Every day I spend nearly 2 to 3 hours in commuting to office.  My office is nearly 20 to 25 KM from my house and I cannot shift my house near to my office since my kids school is the other end of the city. I cannot change the school since this is the only school where Islamic teachings are given. I cannot get a immediate job that is near to my office. Hence I thought of renting a house very near to office and shifting with mother and sister. The time spent on commuting would be sufficient (InshaAllah) to take care of them and also every four to five hours a day I can visit my mother like during lunch time and during tea break and during weekends I  would my wife and kids. And in between when my Moms health is getting better increase the frequency to visit and finally when she is perfectly fine (InshaAllah) get her back. When ever I visit, I shall get my mother and sister along with me and also looking out for a maid who can stay with my mother for 24 hours a day.

I discussed with mother and she is fine with this. But wife is little upset. I do love my wife and kids but during this crucial time I have to take a hard decision and take steps based on my responsibility and not my inner feelings.

I would like to know with this kind of decision I am not doing any harm from rulings of Shariah.

May Allah reward you for the good deed and guide all of us in the right path.

Jazakallah

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Answer:

Wife upset and husband serving mother

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to one’s parents in Islam…… Second only to the heinous and the ultimate abomination of ‘shirk’ in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be undutiful to one’s parents!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again): ‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’. I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again: ‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

To join others in worship with Allah,

To be undutiful to one's parents,

To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

And to give a false witness."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

Islam guides that one should give each party their rights without compromising or usurping the rights of the other….thus as much as it is incumbent and obligatory upon you to give your rights to your mother, it is also incumbent and obligatory upon you to fulfill the due rights of your wife and your children.

If you are indeed fulfilling all your rights unto your wife, she has absolutely no right to be upset at the time and energy you chose to spend on serving your ailing mother.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan