Marry 2nd wife.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am muslim male aged 44, married and have 4 daughters. I have been married since 14 yrs. Alhamdulilah we are a very happy family.
I came in contact of one muslim lady aged 35 yrs who is divorced since 9 yrs and has one son aged 10 yrs. She is very beautiful, educated and religious. She lives with her parents and is the only bread earner of her family. She works at our another branch office in other city. We cordinate and interact with each other daily over phone and through webcam regarding work. Since last one year, we have come very close to each other and became good friends. Since I am her Manager also, she asks me all the time if she gets stuck anywhere while performing her duty. She shares all her problems with me and me too. We sometimes even help each other financially. Our relations are very pure.
After a year or so I happened to visit her city and I went to meet her at her home. We had dinner together at her home and spent few hours talking with each other. Her parents were also very happy to meet me as they had been just listening about me through her.
I made efforts to find a suitable match for her but couldnt. I always advise her to ignore some drawbacks if she gets any proposal from a particular man and marry him, but she rejects them for one or another reason.
Muftisaheb, of late I have fallen in her love. I dont think she also loves me as she adds BHAI behind my name and calls me abcxyzBHAI. Once I asked her indirectly if she is interested in marrying a married man. She politely refused and said that if that was the case, she wont find a better person than me. Now she has left the job but she is still in contact with me and I can feel that she is facing financial crisis. I am trying my level best to convince my boss to get her back on the job (She was fired for taking over limit leaves).
With such feelings I am thinking to propose her as I want to support her financially as well as socially. She always cries over the phone saying that she is fed up of her life. Once she even asked me to arrange her stay in any other city where she could work and live. But I stopped her to think in that direction. I really care for her and cant see her suffering. I have developed affection for his son also as I dont have any son. I think this is the right time for his son to have a father right now. Once he grows up he may not accept any other person as his father as his actual biological father also lives in the same city and the boy meets his father once in a while.
Muftisaheb, do you think I am committing any sin in thinking to supporting a lonely woman and her son? Should I seek Allahs help for her hand? Do I have to seek permission of my wife? I dont want to leave my wife and children. Please let me inform you here that my wife is aware of my friendship with this lady.They often speak to each other over the phone when she calls me and my wife picks up the phone. My wife even sends gifts for her and in return she sends gifts for my wife also.
Please advise me.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Marry 2nd wife
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Respected brother, if your intention to merely support a struggling divorced woman and her child financially, you are obviously well within your rights to do so as charity.
But if your intention is more than that (ie. to marry her as your second wife), and you are confident that you will be able to do justice between your two wives with your time and your resources, there is allowance in Shariah for a man to marry and keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, if indeed he wishes to do so.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
Your Question: .do you think I am committing any sin in thinking to supporting a lonely woman and her son?
Respected brother, there is obviously no sin, but rather it would be considered a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, if one helps someone who is desperate need of help.
Rest assured brother that there is absolutely no sin in thinking of supporting a lonely woman and her son..how exactly one goes about supporting them is what will determine whether the deed is considered a sin or a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
If one forms and develops an illicit relationship with the woman and keeps her as a mistress in the guise of supporting her.indeed such a relationship would be a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord.
But if one supports them even only financially for the Sake and Pleasure of Allah Subhanah; or one chooses to honorably marry, respect and support the divorced womanindeed such an act would be considered a righteous deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Your Question: Do I have to seek permission of my wife?
The one and only condition Allah Subhanah has laid upon the believers who wish to exercise their lawful option of marrying more than one wife is that they are absolutely just amongst their wives in the distribution of their time and their resources amongst them.
There is absolutely nothing in the Quran nor in the authentic Sunnah which stipulates or puts a condition that a believer needs the prior permission or consent of his first wife before he marries for a second or third or fourth) time. But if one, of their own fee will, wishes to consult or take the permission from their first wife, they are obviously well within their rights to do so.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,