Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

My dear brother in Islam,

I have a query regarding a matter I have found most difficult and most centered in my Islamic life. It is the matter of the heart. I have a friend who has suffered for several years due to this matter. She has been in love with someone for more than 8 years. She is very brave and pious, and has had many proposals which she considered but they were never better than the one proposal she had been offered 8 years ago. She and the man have not been in contact all these years. But I see her health has declined several times and we thought it was due to common conditions. But it is now beginning to be more than obvious that her heart has weakened.

I need some help, as I have tried to understand the matter of love in Islam. Please give me any intelligence you can on this matter and whatever Allah Subhana wa Ta'alah,  or Rasul Allah (s.a.w) may have to say  regarding it. What should a woman do if she holds the pain of a lost love?

Jazak Allah Khair,

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Despair broken heart

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 155-157:

155 Be sure We shall test you with something of fear, and hunger, some loss in goods, or lives, or the fruits (of your toil); but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.

156 Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return."

157 They are those on whom (descend) Blessings from Allah and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 57 Surah Hadid verses 21-23:

21 Be ye foremost (in seeking) forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden (of Bliss) the width whereof is as the width of heaven and earth prepared for those who believe in Allah and His Messengers: that is the Grace of Allah which He bestows on whom He pleases: and Allah is the Lord of Grace abounding.

22 No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a Decree before We bring it into existence: that is truly easy for Allah:

23 In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favors bestowed upon you. For Allah loves not any vainglorious boaster

Respected sister in Islam, the life of this short and transitory world is no more than a period of trial and a test ordained by the Lord Creator, Most Majestic, Most Supreme….to see who amongst man is grateful when bestowed with favors from their Lord and who is ungrateful, impatient, and in despair when one is not bestowed with what one’s heart desires in the life of this short and transitory period of trial.

Your Question: What should a woman do if she holds the pain of a lost love?

If after one’s very best efforts one could not obtain a thing which one’s heart so desired….one should accept their loss with dignity and with patience, and keep their absolute trust and faith and hope firm in the Decree of their Lord All-Knowing, All-Wise. It is possible that one may love a thing which in Allah’s Perfect and Absolute Knowledge may have been harmful for them in this world and the Hereafter and thus Allah Subhanah in His Mercy withheld it from them…..or it may simply be that their Lord Decreed that that thing be withheld from them for the life of this trial period as a test and a trial.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:

216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not.

Thus instead of falling into despair or depression at not being able to obtain a thing which one loved or desired, one should wholeheartedly accept the Decree of their Lord and keep their unconditional trust and faith and hope firm in their Lord Creator. They should know with total and absolute conviction that whatever is Decreed by their Lord is best for them, and if their Lord so Wills and Pleases, it is well within His Ability and His Power to substitute their loss with something which is better and far superior than what their hearts ever desired! That would be piety and righteousness on their part in the Sight of their Lord Most Majestic, Most Exalted.

Suhaib ibn Sinan narrated that the Prophet (saws) said: "How remarkable is the case of the believer! There is good for him in everything, but this is not the case for anyone except for the believer. When the believer receives any good, he is thankful to Allah, and gets a reward. And when some misfortune befalls him, he endures it patiently, for which he is (also) rewarded."

Al-Muwatta Hadith 16.42

Topic: Contentment in the face of misfortune.

Yahya related from Malik from Rabia ibn Abi Abd ar-Rahman from Umm Salama (r.a.), the wife of the Prophet, that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "If a misfortune befalls some one and he says, as Allah has Ordered, 'To Allah we belong and to Him is our return. O Allah, reward me in my misfortune and give me better than it afterwards,' Allah will do that for him."

Umm Salama (r.a.) said, "When Abu Salama ((r.a) her ex-husband) died, I said that (Inna lillahe wa inna ilayhe rajeoon……), and then I said, 'Who is (or can be) better than Abu Salama (r.a.)?'" Subsequently, as Allah Subhanah Willed, the Messenger of Allah (saws) himself proposed and married Umm Salama (r.a.).

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan