I know what I am doing is not right according to logic, but is it allowed in Islam to dedicate oneself to a man this way?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
It`s been 7months that I am into a relationship with a man that I cannot marry for many reasons, the most important is that he is married and his wife won`t give him permission to marry again, then my parents would never accept him due to his different nationality, age and marital status. Myself I made a commitment with God to make me belong to that man anyhow, that even if we can`t get married, I will keep on considering myself his and that I won`t look at any other man nor get married ever. I also decided to wear hijab in front of everybody but him since I consider him as my Mehrem.
I know what I am doing is not right according to logic, but is it allowed in Islam to dedicate oneself to a man this way? or am I supposed to force him to marry me legally and declare it to everybody including his wife? Knowing the fact that I am not sleeping with him and won`t, since there is no nikah.
But I`m really confused and depressed. Can you please guide me, Jazaakum Allahu Khayran.
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Dedicate oneself to marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Statement: It`s been 7months that I am into a relationship with a man that I cannot marry for many reasons
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5 (part):
5 …… (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith. fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who are losers.
It is absolutely and categorically prohibited and forbidden for the believers, who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day, to develop or maintain a secret, illicit or lewd relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex.
Your Question: I know what I am doing is not right according to logic, but is it allowed in Islam to dedicate oneself to a man this way?
Dear and Beloved Sister, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!
To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!
If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
But if one falls in love, and strives to meet the person in secret and in private, and in their love transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
To dedicate oneself to a person one is unable to marry, or to treat or consider him to be a ‘mehram’ relative when he obviously is not one, or to abstain from marrying another only because one has dedicated oneself to a person one cannot marry…..it should only be obvious that such acts are neither prudent nor logical nor such acts considered piety and righteousness in the Sight of the Lord.
Your Question: …or am I supposed to force him to marry me legally and declare it to everybody including his wife?
Respected sister, the sacred institution of marriage in Islam requires both parties to willingly accept the union. One cannot and should not force someone to marry them.
But if the brother does indeed intend to honor and marry you as his second wife, it would be a requirement of Shariah that all the conditions of an Islamic Nikaah must be fulfilled and a Sunnah feast or banquet should be held after the ‘nikaah’ to announce the marriage in the society one lives in. The sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a public affair; it is only those who intend to do ‘zina’ who develop and maintain secret and illicit relationships. To marry someone in secret would be to make a complete mockery of the sacred and honorable institution of marriage.
Your Question: But I`m really confused and depressed. Can you please guide me,
Under the circumstances sister, the only lawful options available to you if indeed you fear Allah and the Last Day is either the person you so love and wish to marry, approaches your parents and honorably seeks your hand in marriage, or if that is not possible or conceivable, the two of you fear Allah your Lord and leave each other alone.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:
216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah Knows and ye know not.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 19 (part):
It may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
Respected sister, as much as you may love and wish to marry a particular person, it is possible that you love something which might not be good for you, and you dislike something which in fact might be good for you…..thus you should always keep your full trust and your belief in your Lord Creator Alone, for He indeed is the Best Disposer of all affairs.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,