I had a sexual relationship with a muslim women at university.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I have a question I
am ashamed about. I had a sexual relationship with a muslim women at
university. She became pregnant, but due to our circumstances we aborted the
child. I always wanted to get married but she delayed it by saying my parents
need to agree. We have been physical for couple of years. Recently I did Hajj
and prayed for forgiveness, my naffs gave in and I kissed her once but now
staying away inshalla Allah(swt) will forgive me. I have had a problem with her
that she talks to guys and does not see this as a problem, yeah sounds like I
am being a hypocrite as I was seeing her. My intentions have always been to
marry her but recently she has finished things. Now is this a sign from Allah
that things were not meant to be. Her dad was an ahmadi, but her mum and her
are sunnis. I cant marry another women I feel ashamed and never saw myself
have a physical relationship with more than one women in my life. I feel that I
need to marry her and ask for forgiveness together. I need your view can we
both go our own ways and get married to who ever, or is this haram. My
intentions have always been with a clean heart, this is the only thing in my
life where i have done bad, it has not been my character to do this shatan
certainly go hold of us. The irony is we both pray, have a good understanding
of Islam and still made this error. I have said many things to her recently
which have been wrong, as a hajji I know my behaviour has been unacceptable. I
need you guidance in what I should do.
Should I try to persuade her and get married or let her live her life? She says the spark finished in the relationship she no longer loves me, as I tried to make right of what we have been doing so wrong. Please respond quickly I need your assistance on how I should act and make things better not only for me but her.
Her parents know nothing, should i tell them? i do not want revenge i just want to make sure i do the right thing
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Marry after zina
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and beloved, as heinous and as grave the sins of zina and abortion are in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, and Allah is our witness and make no mistake brother, these are amongst the absolute gravest sins in Islam.. if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Glorious Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a believer, even if one has committed the gravest sin of all: Shirk! Not only that, our Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not only will forgive all the sins of a believer who sincerely repents unto Him, He will change his evil deeds done into good deeds!
The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:
- One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
- Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
- Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.
- Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:
The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, Peace to you; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."
Your Question: .Should I try to persuade her and get married or let her live her life? She says the spark finished in the relationship she no longer loves me, as I tried to make right of what we have been doing so wrong.
Beloved brother, although one may, if one so wills, marry the person whom one committed the abomination of zina with..the marriage by itself will neither right the abomination of the wrong one has committed, nor would the marriage by itself wipe out their sin from their book of records with Allah Subhanah! The one and only thing which wipes out major sins from ones book of records is sincere repentance and taubah.
Beloved brother, if as you have mentioned the sister is not very careful in guarding her modesty and talks and meets with other non-mehram men casually, and if as you have mentioned she declares that she no longer loves you or wishes to marry youas your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our humble advice to you would be to fear Allah, and immediately disassociate and completely abstain from maintaining any further relationship with such an impious woman, but seek to marry a virtuous, pious, and God-fearing sister who has the character to be not only your worthy companion in the life of this world, but also in the Hereafter, Insha Allah.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser (in this world and the Hereafter)."
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,