If we marry we will be together and only have connection with her because of the children.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
My fianc who is married for the past 16 years proposed and married at 20 yrs old and has two children now but was never happy with his marriage. We met and fell in love and we Inshallah would like to marry if almighty Allah permits us. But he cant divorce his wife cos she is old and doesnt want to let go of him also because of the children but he cant be with her and hasnt had any intimacy with her for the past one year. And wont be able to fulfill his duties as a husband in that particular sense.
If we marry we will be together and only have connection with her because of the children. She is financially very secure and he will continue to look after her she is his first wife and he wants to see she is looked after and taken care of. I agree to this also.
But my question is can he get married to me without divorcing her, and since having 2 wives are only permissible when they are treated equally, what can we do in this situation when he cant have the same relationship with her as he will have with me.
He is not happy in his existing marriage. There is a lot of incompatibility between them like chalk and cheese. But divorce is not possible either. What advice can you give us. We want to be married and at the same time not lose his family. He has 2 boys. 16 yrs and 11 yrs old.Can this ever work out? Will islam allow us to marry in such conditions.
I hope you can help us with some answers as I have searched everywhere for some information that will tell us what to do. We want to do the right thing by everyone concerned. As we are both practicing muslims Inshallah we wish not to take the wrong path.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, Shariah Law permits a believer to marry and keep a maximum of four wives at any one time; thus as long as all the conditions of an Islamic Nikaah are met, it would be lawful for your fianc to marry you as his second wife, without divorcing his first wife.
The one and only condition Shariah Law lays on a person who wishes to exercise his right to marry more than once, is that he is absolutely just and equal with the distribution and allocation of his time and his resources amongst his wives.
If Allah forbid, a husband is unjust with the allocation or distribution of his time and his resources amongst his wives, he will be held severely accountable for his injustice in the Court of Allah Subhanah on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of Judgment.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.
Q-1: But my question is can he get married to me without divorcing her,
Allah Subhanah has permitted the believers who wish to practice polygamy to marry and keep upto an absolute maximum of four wives at any one time, with the one condition that the husband fears Allah and deals amongst his wife with justice and equality.
There is absolutely no condition or obligation upon the husband in Islam to divorce his first wife if he intends to marry a second wife; nor would it befit the second wife to demand or put a condition that her husband divorce his first wife in order to marry her.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.598 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (Muslim) so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her."
Q-2: .and since having 2 wives are only permissible when they are treated equally, what can we do in this situation when he cant have the same relationship with her as he will have with me.
The condition that Islam lays upon the husband who wishes to exercise his right to marry and keep more than one wife is that he is absolutely just and equal amongst his wives with the allocation and distribution of what is in his absolute control: his time and his resources.
It is only natural that ones heart would be more inclined towards the wife who has a better nature, or character, or is more caring and tender towards her husband, etc.and the Messenger of Allah (saws) would constantly supplicate Allah Subhanah regarding the condition of justice amongst his wives to not take him to account for a thing which is not in his controlie. the inclination of his heart towards one amongst his wives.
Shariah Law requires that a husband who wishes to marry more than once must be absolutely just and equal regarding the distribution of his time and his resources amongst his wives; but if the husband heart is inclined more towards one wife, or if the husband happens to have a better intimate relationship with one wife compared to the otherthere is absolutely no harm. What is of absolute paramount importance, an obligation, and what the husband will be accountable for is that he is just and equal in the allocation of his time and his resources amongst his wives.
Q-3: Can this ever work out? Will islam allow us to marry in such conditions.
Islam permits the believers who wish to marry more than once to marry and keep upto a maximum of four wives at any one time; thus in legal terms, the marriage of a believer who already has one wife to another eligible woman would be absolutely lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah.
If all the parties, the husband, the first wife, and the second wife all fear Allah and strive to live within His Prescribed Boundaries, there is absolutely no reason why both the marriages should not work. Differences and corruptions in the relationship only occurs when one amongst the parties chooses not to honor the boundaries of Allah Subhanah, or strive or try to usurp the rights of the other.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,