I`ve been having a lot of problem with my marriage lately. From past month or so, i dont get in mood to be intimate with my husband. He always comes near me, and i always tell me to leave me alone, and i tell him straight that I am not feeling anything, when you touch me, kiss me or anything i dont feel anything.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Asalam
o aliqum Brother
I`ve
been having a lot of problem with my marriage lately. From past month or so, i
dont get in mood to be intimate with my husband. He always comes near me, and i
always tell me to leave me alone, and i tell him straight that I am not feeling
anything, when you touch me, kiss me or anything i dont feel anything. Even if
i give in sometime, and have intercourse, the only thought that comes to my
mind is when will it be over. I dont know what to do. I need to know is that a
sin to turn down your husband? i heard from someone, that when your spouse
wants something, its our responsibility to fullfill their desires. Brother im
not sure what causing this in me. I am not into anyone. I am a house wife, and
just take care of my child. I dont want my husband to feel that i am seeing
someone, or think of me as a bad person. i try my best to be committed, but it
just doesn`t happen...is their any prayer i can read to keep my marriage
strong? and not weak? thank you
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Answer:
Low sexual appetite
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Respected Sister in Islam, not every individual (man or
woman) has been bestowed with the same level of sexual desire; thus it is very
possible that one amongst the partners in marriage has more appetite for sex
than the other, and that would be absolutely normal and natural. But if one has an unusually low level of
sexual appetite for their age, it would be prudent to consult an expert in the
field of medicine who would be obviously better qualified to determine its
reason and/or recommend a remedy.
Respected Sister, the only route Islam has made lawful for
one to fulfill their natural physical desire is through the sacred institution
of marriage.
Abu Dhar al-Ghafari reported: ‘The Messenger
of Allah (saws) said: “there is a reward for you [even] in sex with your
wife."’ The companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah (saws) is there a
reward if one satisfies his passion?" He (saws) said: "Do you know
that if he satisfies it unlawfully he has taken a sin upon himself? Likewise, if he satisfies it lawfully, he is
rewarded."
Related by Ahmad and Muslim.
If one has committed themselves to the sacred institution
of marriage, then indeed it would be their duty to fully cooperate and satisfy
this natural and physical demand and appetite of their spouse. If one, without an absolutely genuine reason,
chooses not to fulfill this their duty in marriage, it would indeed be regarded
and considered a sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
man calls his wife to satisfy his desire (ie. sexual intercourse) she must go
to him even if she is occupied at the oven!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a
husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she
refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till
morning."
Your Question: ...is
their any prayer i can read to keep my marriage strong? and not weak?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 25 Surah
Furqaan verses 74-76:
74 And those (believers) who pray "O Our Lord! Grant unto us
spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the
grace) to lead the righteous."
75 Those are the ones who will be rewarded with the highest place in
76 Dwelling therein; how beautiful an Abode
and place of rest!
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, the mere repetition of a
phrase or a supplication, without the genuine intention and efforts of one to
work towards their desired goal will not bring the desired results. But one’s sincere intentions and the efforts
and striving one does to do a lawful deed, coupled with the blessings of the
supplications will indeed bring about the results one desires, Insha Allah.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister