Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

what if the girls parents want to offer simething ,can the boys parents ask them to give something instead of what they were giving? ie.they want something of their choice?

what if middlepersons cause misunderstandings ie tell boy that he will get this n that and at the same time tell girls parewnts to ignore those things,whose fault is it boy or girl?

what if the boys parents say the other side that they have no demands but after marriage the girl is taunted that she didnot bring anything good in dowry. can she discuss this problems with her parents?n husband?

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Answer:

Dowry in islam

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their means.

The complete financial responsibility of the upkeep of the wife after marriage is laid upon the shoulders of the husband in Islam.

If by the term ‘dowry’ or ‘jahayz’ you mean to inquire about the pagan ritual whereby it is customary amongst the pagan cultures today where the family of the groom demands or it is considered a requirement for the guardians of the bride to provide financial assistance, or a house, or furniture, or a car, or even cash to the groom upon marriage; then such rites and rituals and requirements of dowry or jahayz are absolutely discouraged and forbidden in Islam.

The majority of the scholars in Islam are of the opinion that it is highly disliked, deplorable, and absolutely discouraged in Islam that the husband, upon whom Islam has laid the complete financial responsibility of the wife in marriage, should ever ask or demand as a condition of marriage that he be financially rewarded by the guardians of the bride.

In direct contrast to dowry, Islam guides and has made it an obligatory condition of ‘Nikaah’ that a man who wishes to marry should generously fulfill the condition of ‘mehr’ and according to his means pay the demanded amount as a free gift to his bride upon marriage.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 4:

And give the women (on marriage) their dower (mehr) as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you , take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

But if the parents or guardians of the bride, absolutely without any pressure or coercion (from the groom, the groom’s family, social, cultural, etc.), and of their own free will and pleasure wish to gift their daughter or the groom with anything, there is absolutely no harm in the couple accepting such gifts from them.

But if the groom, or the grooms’ family, or social or cultural pressures demand and/or make it a condition of marriage that the guardians of the bride are required to pay something in order for the marriage to take place….then such a demand would be absolutely unjustified and unwarranted in the Sight of Shariah.

Your Question: what if the girls parents want to offer simething ,can the boys parents ask them to give something instead of what they were giving? ie.they want something of their choice?

If the boys parents know for sure that the girls parents are offering the boys family some material gifts only because of social pressure or pagan customs, it would only be piety and righteousness on their part to politely decline to accept any material reward from the girl’s family.

But if the girl’s parents, without absolutely any pressure or coercion, of their own will and pleasure wish to gift something to the groom or his family, there is no harm in accepting such gifts from them.

Although asking one to change or alter the ‘gift’ to one’s liking would not directly violate the laws of Shariah, it would be considered morally and ethically unacceptable and it would be best and akin to piety and righteousness for the groom’s family to abstain from making such requests.

Your Question: what if middlepersons cause misunderstandings ie tell boy that he will get this n that and at the same time tell girls parewnts to ignore those things,whose fault is it boy or girl?

First and foremost, the groom or his family, if indeed they fear Allah and the Last Day, should politely decline any material reward from the bride’s family; especially if they are aware that such gifts are only given due to pagan custom or social pressures.

Secondly, if the ‘middlepersons’ are the cause of the misunderstandings by promising one party something and advising the second party to ignore the promises they have made; they will bear the burden of their ‘fitnah’ and due misunderstandings that arise.

Your Question: what if the boys parents say the other side that they have no demands but after marriage the girl is taunted that she didnot bring anything good in dowry.

The grooms’ family, if indeed they believe in Allah and the Last Day, must neither expect any material reward from the bride’s family for the marriage, nor do they possess the moral right to taunt the bride for not bringing anything good in dowry; if they do taunt or even ever mention such a thing, they shall be guilty of wrong-doing in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Your Question: can she discuss this problems with her parents?n husband? 

The parents and the husband are the guardians of the well-being of the girl, and she may discuss anything she wishes with them.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan