Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salam i dint know how to ask a question from u brother burhan but i guess u r the one to whom i can discuss my problems

[1] my mummy wants me to get married but i dont want actually i dont want to get marry a person to whom i dont know or he is a total stranger i think tht i cant live with him and when i think tht how can i live with a stranger or he will touch me i feeel very bad ridiculas i cant do this

[2] there is someone i like him even my parents but he is not established and i am failed to convince my parents . tht guy always says to me tht he will do 2 marriages and i am not willing 4 it u know i really love him but cant disobey my parents can u explain me from sunnat and quran so tht i can afraid him from second marriage and brother pray 4 me

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Answer:

Girls chose boy for marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, the issue and questions which you have raised is unfortunately a conflict of almost every single household in the modern-educated-but-unGodly society we live in today! None except the wise counsel of Allah and His Messenger (saws) can save us from this all-encircling conflict. May Allah Subhanah reward you generously for bringing this issue to light, and give you, us, and all the believers the wisdom to understand its implications on our lives, the lives of our loved ones, and our community and society in general.

Q-1: my mummy wants me to get married but i dont want actually i dont want to get marry a person to whom i dont know or he is a total stranger i think tht i cant live with him and when i think tht how can i live with a stranger or he will touch me i feeel very bad ridiculas i cant do this

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verse 54:

54 It is He (Allah) Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of lineage (blood) and marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things)

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verses 20-21:

20 Among His (Allah’s) Signs is this that He created you from dust; and then Behold ye are men scattered (far and wide)!

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, Shariah recognizes two types of legal relationships:

1. That which Allah Subhanah has Himself created through lineage, ie. blood relationships.
2. And the other that mankind chooses through the sacred institution of marriage.

It is a natural process of life that when one gets of age, one wishes to associate in a relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex; and the one and only process through which The All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord has allowed this natural process of association with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex is through the sacred institution of marriage.

Your Statement: actually i dont want to get marry a person to whom i dont know or he is a total stranger

The Creator has bestowed man with intelligence, wisdom and intuition whereby even if one meets a person for the first time in his life and talks to him for an hour, one can determine whether the person is genuine and worth starting a bond of friendship; or the person is not of like taste and best left as an acquaintance. If one wishes to follow the path of developing a bond of friendship, there are other avenues which one naturally takes to investigate the person, like his reputation, his family, etc.

If a woman wishes to get married, she only has two options available to her to find a suitor:

1. That she is introduced to a suitor by the people who are, without an iota of a doubt, her absolute and proven and best well-wishers…ie. her parents, her guardians, etc.
2. Or, she goes about from one man to another herself in search of her suitor.

Islam guides that neither the parents should force the child to accept their choice; nor should the child enforce his/her choice on their parents. Allah and His Messenger (saws) guide that the parents and the child must both be fully involved in the process and the mutual and willful consent of both parents and the child are an obligatory condition of marriage.

Wouldn’t it be ironic and ungrateful for a child, whose every single major and minor decision since birth has been made by his loving and doting parents…from the nappies he/she wears, to the first steps he/she takes, to the clothes he/she adorns, to the food he/she intakes, to the nursery-school-college he/she attends, etc…… wouldn’t it indeed be ironic and ungrateful for a child that when it comes to the single most important decision in his/her life, he chooses to give even an iota of consideration to the will and consent of the two people who for decades have sacrificed their happiness, their sleep, their sweat and their blood to wean this weakling of a child into a young man or woman!

• Why does the child today doubt the wisdom of the one’s whose wisdom alone is responsible for him/her attaining this age of youth?
• Why does the child today think that two people who have always stood by him/her in everything he/she ever did, will forsake them now?
• Why does the child today doubt that the one’s who would sacrifice their lives for one smile of theirs, would suddenly turn hostile to them and wish them harm?
• Why does the child today think that his 20 years of knowledge and wisdom is superior to the combined wisdom of his doting parents?
• Why does the child today doubt the well-meaning of those whose love and sacrifice is beyond compare?

Your Statement: actually i dont want to get marry a person to whom i dont know or he is a total stranger i think tht i cant live with him and when i think tht how can i live with a stranger or he will touch me i feeel very bad ridiculas i cant do this

If the child refuses the counsel and wisdom of their guardians in choosing their suitor, basically in effect what the youth are implying is that they be left alone and given the license to search for their suitors on their own; whereby any boy and any girl can form a relationship, and if that does not work, search for another, and another and another! Allah is our witness sister, the corruption that this format leads to will destroy the honor of every household in every community!

My dear and beloved Sister, Islam allows and encourages the believers who wish to marry to thoroughly investigate the character, reputation, nature, family, friends, etc. of the person one wishes to marry….and Islam absolutely encourages the couple to see, meet, and talk at length with each other…and only when the couple are absolutely convinced that their thoughts and ideas and ideals are compatible with each other, they have the option to choose to unite in the sacred bond of marriage.

Every person who is not related by blood is a ‘stranger’ at one point in time; but when one meets, and talks, and shares and discusses each others thoughts, ideas, and ideals, that person no longer remains a ‘stranger’!

The immoral and ungodly society we live in today is propagating that every individual should disregard the wisdom and experience of their guardian parents and do his/her own search for this ‘stranger’; but Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to combine the wisdom and experience of the parents, the guardians, and the youth and come to a mutual consensus amongst themselves so that the ‘stranger’ the youth wishes to marry does not remain a ‘stranger’ to anyone in the family!

Your Question: there is someone i like him even my parents but he is not established and i am failed to convince my parents

Dear and Beloved Sister, be patient and with extreme humility and politeness try to earn the consent of your parents to concede to your request. Just as you are cautious to the ‘stranger’ your parents wish to introduce to you, it is only natural that the person you like is also a ‘stranger’ to them. If being established in life is a criteria that is important to your parents before they accede to your choice, ask the boy to establish himself and seek to earn a honest livelihood enough to start and support his family.

Your Question: tht guy always says to me tht he will do 2 marriages and i am not willing 4 it u know i really love him but cant disobey my parents can u explain me from sunnat and quran so tht i can afraid him from second marriage

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans. marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

Dear and Beloved Sister, Allah Subhanah has permitted and allowed the believers to have more than one wife, if one wishes to do so; and it does not befit and behove us to deny someone a right after Allah Subhanah has bestowed it upon him.

If you absolutely cannot accept that your husband takes another wife after you, you are well within your rights in Islam to seek a divorce from him when he decides to marry a second time.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan