I have know this boy for around 6 years and we have been very close.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
ASA,i have know this boy for around 6 years and we have been very close.when i got to know him i did not realise that these things are wrong but now that i did we decided to get married.but after his family came with the marriage proposal i came to know that he was never completely true to me n also had relations with other girls about which i didnt know.he says that he made a mistake n will completely change for me.moreover my parents do not like him n i dont want to go against them.i am repentant for whatever sins i commited in the past .
i am confused as to what to do.if i say no to this boy then would it be wrong for his family who came with the proposal?or should i just listen to my parents n get married to the person they decide?
wouldnt it be an injust to the person i marry that his wife had relations before marriage with another boy?
please help me as i have no one to give me advice.
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Pre marriage relations
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: i am confused as to what to do.
All Praise is due to Allah Alone Who has guided you to realize your error in developing a relationship with a non-mehram. Beloved Sister, immediately and sincerely, in humility and hope, seek repentance from your Lord for your past deeds you did in ignorance; it is expected you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Your Question: if i say no to this boy then would it be wrong for his family who came with the proposal?
Beloved Sister, when a girl gets of age, it is only natural that she will get proposals from men eligible to marry her. Allah Subhanah has given the right to the believing woman and her guardians to study the proposals they receive, and accept or reject them as they see fit. There is absolutely no harm or wrong or sin in Islam if a girl rejects a proposal, if she wishes to do so.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 3306 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: A woman without a husband has more right to her person than her guardian, and a virgin's consent must be asked from her, and her silence implies her consent.
Beloved Sister, it was wrong of the person to develop a relationship with you in the first place and then it was wrong of him to simultaneously develop relationships with other girls during the time he was committed to you. If you sincerely feel and believe that the person is now repentant for his past deeds and you trust him to amend his conduct, there is no harm in accepting his proposal, if you and your guardians wish to do so. But if you doubt that he can change his conduct and be truthful, it would be best to leave him and seek a righteous God-fearing believer who would give you the honor you deserve.
Your Question: or should i just listen to my parents n get married to the person they decide?
Beloved Sister, when it comes to marriage in Islam, it is not as if the girl goes about choosing her suitor and the guardians have to agree; nor is it that the guardians choose the suitor for their daughter, and she has to accept their choice. But rather, Allah and His Messenger (saws) have given the middle way whereby the suitor is chosen with the consent and approval of the girl and the guardians/parents.
If your parents have someone in mind, you are well within your rights in Islam to meet and talk to the person in the presence of your mehrams; and carefully study his character and his reputation. If you are satisfied with his deen, his character, and his reputation, there is absolutely no harm in accepting the proposal.
Your Question: wouldnt it be an injust to the person i marry that his wife had relations before marriage with another boy?
If a woman has in her past developed an illegal relationship before marriage, it would indeed be wrong and a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah. But if the woman seeks sincere repentance from her Lord Most Merciful for the deeds she did in her ignorance, it is expected that the Lord Most Gracious will purify her from all her sins. Such is the magnitude and enormity of the Mercy of our Lord Most Gracious, that no matter what one might have done in ones past; if the person seeks sincere forgiveness and thereafter amends his conduct, the Lord Most Merciful has promised to wipe out all of their sins.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: All of the children of Adam are sinners; and the best of sinners (in the Sight of Allah) are those who seek sincere repentance (from their Lord).
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,