I met one good muslimah while studying and proposed her for marriage.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
May Allah keep you in best health and Imaan.
I am muslim brother, just finished studies and starting to work. I met one good muslimah while studying and proposed her for marriage. She in turn got her parents permission. Actually she is divorced, 1 and half years older than me and has one kid of 10 yrs. I dont mind at all with this. But when I spoke to my parents about her age and her divorce, they didnt like me to marry her.
If I force them to agree, they will agree but they will staright forwardly refuse me to marry if they know that she has a kid. I will not have any responsibility of the kid bcoz girl`s parents are taking care of it. Also, her family is from different background(middle east) than my family(asian) and they will not have much interactions. MY QUESTION is: Is it islamically allowed to hide about her kid to my parents so that they allow me to marry her? is lie for good cause a sin?.
I have to take this decision very soon. So i will be pleased if you give priority to this question. JazakaAllah khair
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Lie of Marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 135:
135 O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for justice as witnesses to Allah even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts) lest ye swerve and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice. Verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 70:
70 O ye who believe! Fear Allah, and (always) say a word directed to the Right (and Truth).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 8:
8 O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah as witnesses to fair dealing and let not the hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just: that is next to Piety: and fear Allah for Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.116 Narrated by Abdullah
The Prophet (saws) said, "Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person (in the Sight of Allah). Falsehood leads to Al-Fajur (i.e. wickedness, evil-doing), and Al-Fajur (wickedness) leads to the (Hell) Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies till he is written before Allah, a liar."
Your Question: Is it islamically allowed to hide about her kid to my parents so that they allow me to marry her?
Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to always say and do what is right and truthful, regardless of the consequences the truth may bring upon oneself.
Beloved brother, it would indeed be a grave error for one to lie to his parents about the true condition of the girl he intends to marry; such an act would neither be acceptable to Allah, nor to the well being of the family. Beloved brother, there is absolutely no restriction in Islam in your noble intention to marry a divorced woman who has a child; but to lie or keep the fact secret from your parents simply to get their approval would not be akin to truth and righteousness. Allah is our witness brother, this one seemingly simple lie will lead to another lie, which will lead to another lieuntil one day a mountain of lies will be told just to protect this one lie!
Al-Muwatta Hadith 56.18
Malik related to me that he heard that Abdullah ibn Masud used to say, "The slave continues to lie and a black spot grows in his heart until all his heart becomes black. Then he is written, in Allah's Sight, among the liars."
Beloved brother, even if you get their approval with the help of the lie, rest assured that sooner or later, one day your parents and your family will find out the truth; and the embarrassment and dishonor your once stated lie will bring upon you and your wife will be intolerable. And if even your parents never ever find out, Allah is our witness, you will have to account for the lie in the Majestic Presence of the Supreme Lord on an Inevitable Day when all secrets will be revealed.
Thus as your brothers in faith and sincere well-wishers, we implore you to fear Allah and do only what is right; with extreme humility, politeness and patience tell your parents the complete truth of the matter and seek their approval; it may be that your intuition regarding your parents disapproval to your choice might not be accurate, and Allah Subhanah might, if He Wills and Pleases, bless you with what you desire.
Your Question: is lie for good cause a sin?.
Allah and His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to always, and I reiterate always speak the Truth, except in three very special circumstances where lying is deemed permissible, and the concealment of the Truth would not be considered a sin.
1. In a state of war.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2631 Narrated by Ka'b ibn Malik
When the Prophet (saws) intended to go on an (war) expedition, he (saws) always pretended to be going somewhere else, and he (saws) would say: War is deception!
2. In making peace between two people
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.857 Narrated by Um Kulthum bint Uqba
That she heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying, "He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar."
3. In keeping a harmonious and peaceful relation with ones wife or spouse.
It is not permissible for one to lie to ones spouse to protect the evil one has done; but in some cases not speaking the whole truth to ones spouse with the intention to keep the relation between husband and wife harmonious will not be considered a lie or a sin in the Sight of Allah.
For example, one has a wife who is probably the absolutely worst cook in the world! And if she serves food and asks the husband, how is the food?, and the husband said the truth, it would really hurt her feelings. Thus it would be better if the husband did not say its absolutely terrible, but rather tell her something like Alhamdolillah, you have really improved your cooking over the years, or I appreciate the effort you have made to cook me this food, May Allah bless you and reward you, etc. Such statements made by the husband in praising and appreciating his wife would not be considered a lie in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Under all other circumstances. lying, or intentionally concealing the truth, or inventing falsehood would be a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
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