We met in college fell in love and got married after getting the approval from both our parents.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Peace be to you and ur family.
I am an Asian married to a Middle east national.
we met in college fell in love and got married after getting the approval from both our parents. I have converted to Islam since then and Alhamdullihah have found profound peace in myself. We have 3 teenage daughters who are pride of my life. Unfortunately our marriage has not been very smooth. About 3 yrs back he left home and got married to a girl from his community half his age.
inlaws were very upset and have supported me all the way.But since then my
husband has had not returned to our home nor does he wish to have anything to
do with me except an occasional outing with the girls for lunch or dinner. He
says he will not divorce me but if I wish I can ask for it and he will give to
me in peace. At the same time while he is still married to me,he will not be
fair to me cos it might break up his 2nd marriage.
Pls help me decide in name of Islam what I shd do.
Do I keep living married but without a husband or I shd ask for a divorce.Pls reply me in confidence
Your sister in Islam
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-130:
128 If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.
129 Ye (men) are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging!. If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.
130 But if they disagree (and must part) Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty: for Allah is He that careth for all and is Wise.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, Allah has permitted the believers to marry more than one wife upto a maximum of four at any one time, if they wish to do so; but the absolute strict and stringent condition Islam puts on the believers who wish to exercise this permission is that they must be absolutely fair and just between their wives, especially in the allocation and the spending of their time and their wealth.
It is a crime and a sin in the sight of Allah for a man who chooses to exercise this permission of marrying more than one wife, to be unfair and unjust amongst his wives, especially in the allocation and spending of his time and his wealth. If a husband marries more than one wife, and does not equally and justly allocate his time and his wealth amongst his wives, he will be brought forth in the Presence of Allah on that Inevitable Day of Justice with a side hanging on one side; and on that Day of Supreme Justice he will have to atone for his evil transgression by either giving away his good deeds to the wife whose rights he had trampled upon, or by taking some of her sins! Allah is our witness sister, on that Tumultuous Day no doer of wrong will go unpunished in the Court of the Lord All-Just; and no one who was oppressed will remain un-compensated!
Your Question: Pls help me decide in name of Islam what I shd do. Do I keep living married but without a husband or I shd ask for a divorce.
Beloved Sister in Islam, under the conditions described by you, you have the following legal options from Shariah:
- If you live in an Islamic Country, then you are well within your rights to move the Shariah Courts, and the Judge will demand that the husband give you your full rights.
- You can accept your condition and the oppression done upon you by your husband as a test from your Lord with patience, and continue being married; in the solemn and earnest conviction that even if your husband gets away with trampling your rights in the life of this world, you will have your full due compensation in the Presence of your Majestic Lord on the Day of Judgment.
- If you cannot bring yourself to continue living your life as a hanging wife, you are well within your rights to initiate a divorce proceedings against your husband; and in the condition described by you, there would be absolutely no sin or blame upon you.
All the above three options are absolutely legal, but if we were to give you our humble opinion of which of the three would be the best option; then my beloved sister, it would have to be option-2! If you can bring yourself to accept your condition and bear your this trial with patience and benevolence, Allah is our witness, the rewards you will get in the Presence of Allah Subhanah will be incalculable!
But if you are unable to bear this oppression and injustice of your husband anymore, you are well within your rights to initiate a divorce proceedings, and there would be absolutely no blame or sin upon you.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,