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A sister has asked about a second marriage of her husband.

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam-u-alaikum,

In one of the questions you posted earlier, a sister has asked about a second marriage of her husband.

In the reply, you mentioned that there is nothing she could do. She should just bear and accept the consequences, otherwise if she cannot, then she should intiate divorce proceedings.

Another thing you mentioned is that the husband does not need the permission of the first wife to marry a second, since Islam has allowed a man to marry upto four wives, provided he can do justice.

I have a little bit of a disagreement there. You mentioned that the husband does not need permission of the first wife to marry a second. That may or may not be true.

However, what I do know to be true is that neither Islam nor Allah (SWT) has allowed a man to just trample over the feelings of the first wife just to marry a second. A man MUST MUST MUST care for the feelings of his first wife.

That is because his first wife is a human being, NOT an animal. She has feelings, demands, needs, and opinions. The true justice is when the man listens to his first wife, and her needs and opinions, just like he will listen to his own.

Therefore, in that sense, a man HAS TO respect the feelings of his wife, and, if not take permission, then at least consult and discuss with the first wife, before marrying a second.

There is NO WAY that a man can ignore the feelings of his first wife. Otherwise, instead of his second marriage being a source of reward from Allah (SWT), the very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first wife will be a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself. Like you always say, the man will have to give a severe accounting of this sin of his on the Day of Judgement.

The point is, that when man has been given the green light to marry upto four wives, it does not mean he does it blindly. Islam has not said it, nor has Allah (SWT) allowed it. He MUST do it very carefully and very responsibly, and without hurting other people`s feelings. The sign of a true Momin is that he considers others feelings before his own.

The man MUST care for other people`s feelings. Otherwise, the second marriage will be a sin for him, instead of being a source of rewards frim Allah (SWT).

Also, Brother, this is for you. Before you give advice to other people, you must take all these things into account, rather than being hasty and giving an incorrect answer. That is what you did when you gave the sister the answer. That is also what you have been doing in other answers to questions of a similar nature.

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Second wife marriage sin

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

 

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, at the outset allow us to clarify two things before we address each of your concerns listed.

 

  1. The All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord Creator Who created everything in existence, also created the distinct nature of each in His creation; and the very nature the All-Wise All-Mighty Creator has bestowed upon the males amongst human beings is that they are polygamous in regards to their mates by nature, and the females are monogamous! This is a fact of nature, and if one denies, or cannot understand or comprehend or accept the facts of nature, one will always, and I reiterate, always fall short in comprehending the reality of the matter.
  2. The All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord has permitted and allowed (NOT COMMANDED) the believers who may wish to exercise their option of practicing polygamy, to do so with the conditions that one may not keep more than a maximum of four wives at any one time; and that those who wish to exercise the option of practicing polygamy in Islam, MUST be just and fair and equal with their dealings amongst their wives.

 

Your Statement: In one of the questions you posted earlier, a sister has asked about a second marriage of her husband.

In the reply, you mentioned that there is nothing she could do. She should just bear and accept the consequences, otherwise if she cannot, then she should intiate divorce proceedings.

Dear and beloved brother, when one amongst man decides and makes up his mind to lawfully take on more than one wife, and he is well within his right and the boundaries of Islam to do so, the first wife or anyone else for that matter, can actually do very little to change the persons mind; simply because the person is well within his rights and the boundaries of Shariah to choose to exercise his option of practicing polygamy, if he wishes to do so!

 

The first wife, if she wants to save her marriage, has only two legal options:

  1. Either accept that her husband will take on another wife.
  2. Or initiate a divorce proceedings against him.

 

If the husband has absolutely made up his mind to take on another wife and the first wife does not agree with his decision, he can very well divorce his first wife and end the first marriage.and there is nothing one can legally do to stop him!

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3274 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said: a believing woman must not ask to have her sister divorced in order to deprive her of what belongs to her (her marriage); but she may marry, because she will have only what Allah has Decreed for her.


 

The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the woman who has agreed to become a second wife to never demand or make a condition that she will marry a (married) man only if he divorces his first wife, for each will have only what their Lord has Decreed for them.

 

Your Statement: Another thing you mentioned is that the husband does not need the permission of the first wife to marry a second, since Islam has allowed a man to marry upto four wives, provided he can do justice.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

 

My dear and beloved brother in Islam, it is not we who mentioned or gave our personal opinion, but we repeated and quoted only what Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, related in His Glorious Book of Guidance regarding the matter concerned!

 

Allah Subhanah has permitted and allowed the believers to marry and keep a maximum of four wives at any one time if they wish to do so, provided they are confident that they will be able to deal justly and equally between their wives. Other than this one condition, the Lord Most High has not laid any other condition or restriction for one who wishes to exercise his option to take on more than one wife..and it does not behove and befit one who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to invent or introduce their own conditions and restrictions when Allah and His Messenger (saws) have not endorsed them.

 

To invent and introduce a restriction in doing a lawful deed when Allah Subhanah has not laid such a condition is tantamount to inventing a lie and attributing it to Allah Subhanah!

 

In the pre-Islamic days of ignorance, the pagan Arabs would invent and introduce their own restrictions and conditions in declaring the consumptions of animals haraam and halaal according to their own whims and fancies, and attribute their invented restrictions to Allah Subhanah!

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chatper 6 Surah Anaam verses 138-139 and 143-144:

138 And they (the pagan Arabs) say that such and such cattle and crops are unlawful, and none should eat of them except those whom so they say we wish; further there are cattle forbidden to yoke or burden, and cattle on which (at slaughter) the name of Allah is not pronounced; inventions against Allah's Name: soon will He requite them for their inventions!

139 They (the pagan Arabs) say: "What is in the wombs of such and such cattle is specially reserved (for food) for our men and forbidden to our women; but if it is still-born then all have shares therein. For their (false) attribution (to Allah) He will soon punish them: for He is full of Wisdom and Knowledge.

143 (Take) eight (head of cattle) in (four) pairs: of sheep a pair and of goats a pair; say hath He (Allah) forbidden the two males or the two females or (the young) which the wombs of the two females enclose? Tell me with knowledge if ye are truthful.

144 Of camels a pair and of oxen a pair; say hath He (Allah) forbidden the two males or the two females or the (the young) which the wombs of the two females enclose? Were ye present when Allah ordered you such a thing? But who doth more wrong than one who invents a lie against Allah to lead astray men without knowledge? For Allah guides not people who do wrong.

 

To believe, or assume, or invent a restriction or condition that one who wishes to exercise the option of taking on more than one wife must have the permission and consent of his first wifeis to introduce a condition when Allah Subhanah has laid no such condition or restriction!

 

Your Statement: I have a little bit of a disagreement there. You mentioned that the husband does not need permission of the first wife to marry a second. That may or may not be true.

Beloved brother in Islam, Allah and His Messenger (saws) have laid no such condition that the believer who wishes to exercise his right to marry and keep more than one wife has to take the permission of his first wife; and it would not behove and befit a believer who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to introduce or invent a restriction when Allah and His Messenger (saws) have not endorsed it!!!

 

Your Statements: However, what I do know to be true is that neither Islam nor Allah (SWT) has allowed a man to just trample over the feelings of the first wife just to marry a second. A man MUST MUST MUST care for the feelings of his first wife.

That is because his first wife is a human being, NOT an animal. She has feelings, demands, needs, and opinions. The true justice is when the man listens to his first wife, and her needs and opinions, just like he will listen to his own.

Therefore, in that sense, a man HAS TO respect the feelings of his wife, and, if not take permission, then at least consult and discuss with the first wife, before marrying a second.

Islam absolutely respects the feelings and conditions of each individual, the husband, the wife, and also the woman who has agreed, of her own free will, to become the second wife!

 

But there is a huge difference between something being an emotional issue and something being a legal issue! If the married person wishes to consult, discuss and obtain the consent of his first wife if he wishes to marry again, he may very well do so.but he is not, and cannot be compelled by law that he cannot take on a second wife without the precise consent of his first wife!

 

Your Statement: There is NO WAY that a man can ignore the feelings of his first wife. Otherwise, instead of his second marriage being a source of reward from Allah (SWT), the very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first wife will be a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself.

It is precisely to protect the rights of the first wife, that the Lord Most High has laid the condition of justice and equality between the wives; and one who is not just amongst his wives will indeed have a severe accounting for his injustice in the Presence of the Lord Most High on an Inevitable Day.

 

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down!

 

But instead of being emotional regarding the protection of feelings of just one party; one should realize that the condition and plight of the woman who has agreed, of her own will, to become someones second wife! What about her rights and her feelings and her social, physical, and spiritual situation???

 

Every woman would love to have a husband for herself alone! Then why does a woman agree to become someones second or third or fourth wife?? If she could find someone who is unmarried and willing to marry her, she would never agree to be someones second (or third or fourth) wife!!! What about the rights and plights of this second woman? Just because she is unmarried, or divorced, or widowed, or is a single mother, etc.she has no feelings or right to marry??? One can only imagine, if not see around them in the ungodly and ignorant society we live today, what is the plight of these single sisters, who are willing to marry but cannot find a bachelor to marry them because of their age, or their children, or their divorce, or their condition of being widowed at a young age!!!!!

 

Beloved brother, instead of concentrating on the feelings of only one party, Islam has presented a lawful solution that resolves the rights of all parties.

The first wife is guaranteed justice and equal treatment from her husband.

The second wife gets the protection for herself and her children in a honorable and lawful manner.

And the man who wishes to satisfy himself with more than one woman gets what he desires, provided he is willing to honor, respect, protect, and provide equally amongst his wives.

 

Your Statement: the very fact that he trampled over and hurt the feelings of his first wife will be a MAJOR (not MINOR) sin in and of itself.

Dear and beloved brother, as much as we respect your emotions on this issue, one who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day must be careful in declaring a law in Islam from himself..It is Allah and His Messenger (saws) alone who have the right to declare what deeds are considered major and what deeds are considered minor sins in the sight of the law and of Allah Subhanah! One cannot introduce an act and declare it a major sin in Islam, when Allah and His Messenger (saws) have not endorsed it!!!!

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.28 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "Avoid the seven major (or great) destructive sins." The people enquire, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)! What are they?" He (saws) said,

  1. "To join others in worship along with Allah,
  2. to practice sorcery,
  3. to kill the life which Allah has forbidden except for a just cause, (according to Islamic law),
  4. to eat up riba (usury),
  5. to eat up an orphan's wealth,
  6. to give back to the enemy and fleeing from the battlefield at the time of fighting,
  7. and to accuse chaste women, who never even think of anything touching chastity and are good believers.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.8 Narrated by Anas bin Malik

The Messenger of Allah (saws) mentioned the major sins or he was asked about the major sins. He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to one's parents."

 

Your Statement: Also, Brother, this is for you. Before you give advice to other people, you must take all these things into account, rather than being hasty and giving an incorrect answer. That is what you did when you gave the sister the answer. That is also what you have been doing in other answers to questions of a similar nature.

Respected brother in Islam, we absolutely accept your good advice, and seek your forgiveness and the forgiveness of our Lord Most High if our shortcoming in knowledge or mode of communication have given rise to any misunderstanding in any aspect of the deen.

 

Beloved brother in Islam, as far as it is humanly possible, and unless and until we are specially asked, we always abstain and refrain from giving our personal opinion or our advice on this humble forum.but our humble role is only to relate the guidance in light of and with evidence from the Glorious Quran and the authentic and established Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws).

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzaab verse 36:

It does not behove a believing man and a believing woman that when Allah and His Messenger have given their decision in a matter, they should exercise an option in that matter of theirs. For whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed strayed into manifest error.

 

Beloved brother, if you can recall the answer and article written to the sister, all we did was relate to her what Allah and His Messenger (saws) had declared lawful in Islam, and what they had determined as unlawful.and when Allah and His Messenger (saws) have given a decision in a matter, it does not behove and befit a believer that they introduce their feelings, or emotions, or likings, or dis-likings, etc. in that matter.

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan


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