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It was given in that book that a woman need not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has intercourse with her husband,

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear brother

assalamu alaikum


i have a cuple of doubts...i am married and 23 yrs old...


i read the book "muslim marriage guide" by sister ruqaiyya waris maqsood.

 

it was given in that book that a woman need not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has intercourse with her husband,...it was given that it is enuff if she washes her body completely and just pours a little water over her hair like while making abulution....that she need not undo her plaits and all...is this correct?..

since some women have long hair ...it is a lil hard to wash ur hair in the middle of the night...as it takes time to dry and all that....and it is pretty cold too in the nite....so pls clarify this doubt for me,,, another doubt is that...i read in a book "the pious woman" that women should be very obedient to her hubby....she shud not make him angry//./...shud not talk back to him and should not get angry at him and that her whole world should revolve around him....


i dont want to sound feminist...but i think this is a lil unfair...i respect my husband a lot...and i do let him take final decisions....but i dont keep quiet all the time...if we disagree on a point ...i let him know it...we fight ...but make up...n thr r no hard feeings at the end...


he does certain things which make me angry and vice versa,,,but it is all ok at the end,.,..i let him know if i am hurt...we discuss everything...and agree on something together...i feel i am an individual and shud have my say...


after reading this book i was shocked...how can i just submit blindly to wat he says...allah has given me a mind too to think and rationalize...he always has the final say...and makes the final decisions...


my question is it rong to talk back to a husband,,,,is it rong to fight and make up with him...?..is it rong

to discuss things...and shud i meekly nod my head to everything he says?...pls enlighten me on this


thanking u


muslim sister 

 

 

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Answer:

 

Wife relation with husband

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Question: it was given in that book that a woman need not undo her hair and have a complete wash after she has intercourse with her husband,...it was given that it is enuff if she washes her body completely and just pours a little water over her hair like while making abulution....that she need not undo her plaits and all...is this correct?..

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 6:

6 O ye who believe! When ye prepare for prayer wash your faces and your hands (and arms) to the elbows; rub your heads (with water); and (wash) your feet to the ankles. If ye are in a state of ceremonial impurity bathe your whole body. But if ye are ill or on a journey or one of you cometh from offices of nature or ye have been in contact with women and ye find no water then take for yourselves clean sand or earth and rub therewith your faces and hands. Allah doth not wish to place you in a difficulty but to make you clean and to complete His favor to you that ye may be grateful.

 

In light of the above absolutely clear Command of the Lord, it is absolutely obligatory for a believer who is in a state of major impurity to perform the ghusl or full bath of purification, making sure that the water reaches every single part of the body.

 

Fiqh-us-Sunnah Fiqh 1.59

Topic: Ghusl for women

A woman performs ghusl just as a man does, except that if she has plaited hair she does not have to undo it, provided that the water can reach the roots of her hair. Umm Salamah said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), I am a woman who has closely plaited hair on my head. Do I have to undo them for ghusl after sexual intercourse?" He (saws) said, "No, it is enough for you to throw three handfuls of water on your head and then pour water over yourself. After doing this, you shall be cleansed." (Related by Ahmad, Muslim and at-Tirmidhi.)


Ubaid ibn Umair reported that Aishah discovered that Abdullah ibn Amr was ordering the women to undo their plaits of hair (for ghusl). She observed, "It is amazing that Ibn 'Amr orders the women to undo the plaits of hair for ghusl. Why doesn't he just order them to shave their heads? I and the Messenger of Allah (saws) used to bathe from one vessel, and all I did was pour three handfuls of water over my head." (Related by Ahmad and Muslim.)

 

If a woman who wishes to purify herself with a ghusl has beaded or pleated her hair, there is allowance in the Shariah that she need not undo her pleats or beads but the throwing of three handfuls of water over her head would suffice for her purification.

 

But the simple wiping of her head like when one does during wudu or ablution would not be sufficient for fulfilling the conditions of ghusl or full bath of purification.

 

Your Question: after reading this book i was shocked...how can i just submit blindly to wat he says...allah has given me a mind too to think and rationalize...he always has the final say...and makes the final decisions...

my question is it rong to talk back to a husband,,,,is it rong to fight and make up with him...?..is it rong to discuss things...and shud i meekly nod my head to everything he says?...pls enlighten me on this

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, when two people who are bestowed with intelligence, choice, likes and dislikes are bonded together in the sacred union of marriage, it is only natural that at times there will be difference of opinion between them, and at times there may even be misunderstandings, long discussions, and even arguments between them.such instances are only natural between two people who live together, and more so between a husband and a wife who are so closely bonded in the sacred institution of marriage. As long as both parties fear Allah and do not transgress the boundaries of Allah with their words, or deeds, or actions when such disagreements arise between them, there is absolutely no harm and no sin on either party.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 68 Surah Qalam verse 4:

4 And thou (O Prophet (saws), standest) on an exalted standard of character.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah Ahzab verse 21:

There is indeed the best example for you to follow in the Messenger of Allah, for every such person looks forward to Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much.

 

So natural are these happenings between a husband and a wife in marriage, that even the Noble Prophet (saws) whose exalted character is guaranteed by none other than the Lord and whom the Lord Himself has declared as the absolute best example for the believers to follow, at times had misunderstandings and disputes with his wives.during one instance when his wives constantly demanded that the Prophet (saws) provide them with more sustenance, so upset was the Prophet (saws) with the constant demands of his wives, the Messenger of Allah (saws) abstained from visiting any of his wives for a period of one whole month!

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.134 Narrated by Um Salama

The Prophet (saws) vowed to keep aloof from his wives for a period of one month, and after the completion of 29 days he went either in the morning or in the afternoon to his wives. Someone said to him "You vowed that you would not go to your wives for one month." He (saws) replied, "The month is of 29 days."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.131 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

One morning we saw the wives of the Prophet (saws) weeping, and everyone of them had her family with her, I went to the mosque and found that it was crowded with people. Then Umar bin Al-Khattab came and went up to the Prophet (saws) who was in his upper room. He greeted him (saws) but nobody answered. He greeted again, but nobody answered. Then the gatekeeper called him and he entered upon the Prophet (saws), and asked, "Have you divorced your wives?" The Prophet (saws) said, "No, but I have taken an oath not to go to them for one month." So the Prophet (saws) stayed away (from his wives) for twenty nine days and then entered upon them.

 

Thus my beloved sister, misunderstandings, discussions, difference of opinion, and even arguments between two people who are bonded in the sacred union of marriage are only natural and must be expected; but what is of paramount importance is that both parties fear Allah their Lord, and not say or do anything when in these trying circumstances which transgresses the boundaries of their Lord and Islam.

 

Time and time again the Messenger of Allah (saws) exhorted the believers, men and women, to live with peace, love, tenderness, mercy, and forgiveness amongst their families.

 

Some of the Prophets constant guidance towards the believing men:

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3263 Narrated by Aisha

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. When one of you dies speak no ill of him."

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

 

Some of the Lords and His Messengers (saws) guidance towards the sisters:

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their chastity, their husbands property and honor, etc.)

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal

The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed her husband in this world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens (of Paradise) saying, "You must not annoy him. Allah curse you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us."

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

 

What is absolutely discouraged in Islam is that a wife does not accept the general authority of her husband in the affairs of the house, constantly challenges, reviles, abuses, taunts, and belittles him in everything he does or does not do, or is rude or disobedient to him in all matters, etc.; it is only such actions of open and constant challenge, rebellion, and disobedience in acceptable matters which are absolutely despised and hated in the Sight of Allah for a righteous wife.

 

The one that is absolutely intolerable to Allah Subhanah is that a believing wife be constantly ungrateful to a husband who is benevolent towards her, and more often than not, strives to fulfill all her demands and requests. This outburst is something that every believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, must beware:

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.28 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

The Prophet (saws) said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He (saws) replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you."

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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