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A husband and wife cannot engage in sexual relations with each other, that is a known fact. But can a husband and wife tell each other they love each other, or touch them affectionately

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother Burhan,


Aoa. I have just recently gotten married by Nikah only, not rukhsati and i had a few questions to ask for which an immediate response would be highly appreciated..


1. During Ramadan kareem, a husband and wife cannot engage in sexual relations with each other, that is a known fact. But can a husband and wife tell each other they love each other, or touch them affectionately (not kissing or something but just a touch) etc while fasting?


2. I have heard that a husband cannot consummate his marriage if he has not given her a part of the mahr. She is still haram to him. I think this is not true since there cannot be anything haram between them. The Nikah has been done ...what else is there!? The Mahr can be given in installments etc which is totally dependant on the wife...Am i right?


3. What is the correct amount the mahr should be kept. I heard it was 30 something riyals...but these days that much amount of money has no value.....what should a person do!?


4. In the Asian subcontinent, some couples are married by Nikah first but the girl goes to the husbands house in another ceremoney called the Rukhsati. Now, since the Nikah is done, is it still unlawful for the husband to visit her etc. All the elders say it is haram and no sexual contact should exist till the girl leaves the house which could mean months after the Nikah! What does our Allah and Prophet say about this? Again here i disagree..Am i right?


5. I have also heard that the man and wife have to take a proper bath before AND after they have sex...is this true. I would also appreciate it if you would tell me how this bath is supposed to be done....i mean with all the duaas etc. Or could u pls refer to a book which helps explain this.


Please make your answers as short and precise as u can. And lastly, Thank you, Brother for doing a wonderful job with the site. I wish u best of luck and more knowledge to deal with questions we all come up with.

Khuda Hafez 

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

 

Answer:

 

Ghusl nikaah and rukhsati

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Q-1: During Ramadan kareem, a husband and wife cannot engage in sexual relations with each other, that is a known fact. But can a husband and wife tell each other they love each other, or touch them affectionately (not kissing or something but just a touch) etc while fasting?
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 187:

187 Permitted to you on the night of the fasts is the approach (sexual intercourse) to your wives. They are your garments. And ye are their garments. Allah knoweth what ye used to do secretly among yourselves; but He turned to you and forgave you; so now associate with them and seek what Allah hath ordained for you and eat and drink until the white thread of dawn appear to you distinct from its black thread; then complete your fast till the night appears; but do not associate with your wives while ye are in retreat in the mosques (itikaaf). Those are limits (set by) Allah; approach not nigh thereto. Thus doth Allah make clear His Signs to men that they may learn self-restraint.

 

Sahih Muslim Hadith 2450 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

Umar asked the Messenger of Allah (saws): Should one observing fast kiss (his wife)? The Messenger of Allah (saws) said to him: Ask her (Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet (saws)). She informed him that the Messenger of Allah (saws) did that, whereupon he (Umar (r.a.)) said: O Messenger of Allah (saws), Allah pardoned thee all thy sins, the previous and the later ones! Upon this the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: By Allah, I am the most God-conscious among you and I fear Him most among you!

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.149 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) used to kiss and embrace (his wives) while he (saws) was fasting, and he had more power to control his desires than any of you.

 

In light of the above clear guidance of the Glorious Quran, what is absolutely forbidden and that which will invalidate the fast is full sexual intercourse with ones wife during the hours of fasting.

 

But there is absolutely no harm and no restriction if one tells ones wife one loves her or touches her or even kisses her; provided the couple are able to control their desires and their talks or their acts with each other do not inspire them to exceed the Limits of Allah Subhanah.

 

Q-2: I have heard that a husband cannot consummate his marriage if he has not given her a part of the mahr. She is still haram to him. I think this is not true since there cannot be anything haram between them. The Nikah has been done ...what else is there!? The Mahr can be given in installments etc which is totally dependant on the wife...Am i right?

If all the obligatory conditions of an Islamic Nikaah are met, the husband and the wife are absolutely lawful for each other. As long as the mehr amount is determined as is the obligatory condition of Nikaah, and although it is best that the husband fulfills this debt to his wife as soon as possible, there is absolutely no condition in Islamic Shariah that if for any reason the husband has not been able to pay the mehr in full or part that he cannot consummate his marriage with his wife. Upon meeting all the obligatory conditions of Nikaah, the husband and the wife are absolutely lawful for each other.

 

Q-2A: The Mahr can be given in installments etc which is totally dependant on the wife...Am i right?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 4:

4 And give the women (in marriage) their dower (mehr) as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.


 

Once the mehr amount is determined as is the obligatory condition of Nikaah, you are absolutely right in your deduction that its receipt absolutely and totally dependant upon the wife. She may demand that it be paid all at one time at once or at a later date, she may show forbearance and accept it in installments, or she may wish to show mercy and absolutely forgive the amount, or she may even share the amount with her husband, etc. Of her own free will and without any coercion or force, she may do whatever she wills and pleases with the mehr amount for it is her wealth and every decision regarding it is totally and absolutely dependant upon her alone.

 

Q-3: What is the correct amount the mahr should be kept. I heard it was 30 something riyals...but these days that much amount of money has no value.....what should a person do!?
This Mehr is a right of the wife, and she may spend it as she wills. It is absolutely impermissible for the husband to demand the mehr back, or take it away from his wife after their marriage, or if he divorces her, or he marries again; but if of her own free will and good pleasure, the wife wishes to share the mehr amount with her husband, there is no harm.

 

The amount of Mehr is not fixed in Shariah. A rich man may offer according to his status and a poor man according to his status; and a woman may accept or demand more according to her wish. It is something that is offered by the man according to his status, and accepted or rejected by the proposed bride if she wishes to do so.

 

The groom who wishes to marry may offer whatever amount of mehr he is capable of, for ultimately it is the bride who will accept or refuse the offer. It would not be considered righteousness for a rich man to offer a meager amount, but rather he should offer something that is profound with his standing and status; and nor should the woman accept a meager amount from a person whom Allah has blessed with abundance. But if the man is of limited means, the woman may if she so wills, accept even a small meager amount, or even only the testification of faith as Mehr if she so wills!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3206 Narrated by Amir ibn Rabi'ah

A woman of the (tribe of) Banu Fazarah was married for a dower of two sandals. When Allah's Messenger (saws) asked whether she was satisfied with two sandals regarding her person and her property and she replied that she was, he (saws) gave his approval.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3209 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

AbuTalhah married Umm Sulaym, the Mehr between them being acceptance of Islam. Umm Sulaym had become a Muslim before AbuTalhah, and when he asked her in marriage she said, "I have become a Muslim, so if you become one I shall marry you." He then accepted Islam and that was the Mehr arranged between them.

 

The amount of Mehr is something that is offered by the prospective husband according to his standing and status, and is accepted by the bride, or the brides guardian with her consent. The ultimate decision of what amount to accept as mehr is in the hands of the bride.

 

Q-4: In the Asian subcontinent, some couples are married by Nikah first but the girl goes to the husbands house in another ceremoney called the Rukhsati. Now, since the Nikah is done, is it still unlawful for the husband to visit her etc. All the elders say it is haram and no sexual contact should exist till the girl leaves the house which could mean months after the Nikah! What does our Allah and Prophet say about this? Again here i disagree..Am i right?
It is the ceremony and agreements which the husband and wife endorse at Nikaah which alone have legal basis and weight in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah. Although there is absolutely no harm and is held permissible in Islam for one to have a nikaah first and the rukhsati later at their convenience, the rukhsati itself has no legal basis or weight in Shariah Law.

 

Once the Nikaah is performed, the man and the woman are united in the sacred bond of marriage and regardless of whether their rukhsati was performed or not, they are absolutely lawful to each other as husband and wife and may do whatever Allah has made lawful for them in marriage, if they wish to do so.

 

Q-5. I have also heard that the man and wife have to take a proper bath before AND after they have sex...is this true. I would also appreciate it if you would tell me how this bath is supposed to be done....i mean with all the duaas etc. Or could u pls refer to a book which helps explain this.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 6:

6 O ye who believe! When ye prepare for prayer wash your faces and your hands (and arms) to the elbows; rub your heads (with water); and (wash) your feet to the ankles. If ye are in a state of ceremonial (post-sexual) impurity, bathe your whole body.

 

There is absolutely no condition or obligation in Islam that the couple have to take a bath or perform ghusl before they engage in conjugal relations with each other; but it is absolutely obligatory for the couple to purify themselves after sexual intercourse with a full bath or ghusl if they intend to offer prayers, visit the mosque, recite the Quran, etc.

 

But if one in a state of major sexual impurity (janaba) wishes to eat, drink, sleep, or do other chores and wishes to delay his ghusl for any reason, it would be best if they would perform the ablution.

Fiqh-us-Sunnah Fiqh 1.41a

If a person in a state of post-sex impurity wants to eat, drink or have intercourse again, he should perform ablution.

Said 'Aishah, "When the Prophet (saws) was in a state of impurity because of intercourse and wanted to eat or sleep, he would perform ablution."

Ammar ibn Yasar reported that the Prophet (saws) permitted a person in post-sex impurity to eat, drink or sleep if he performed ablution first.

Related by Ahmad and at-Tirmidhi.

 

Q-5A: I would also appreciate it if you would tell me how this bath is supposed to be done....

Fiqh-us-Sunnah Fiqh 1.58a

According to the practice of the Prophet (saws) the correct manner of performing ghusl after making intention to purify oneself is:

1.                  Say Bismillaah (In the Name of Allah)

2.                  wash both hands three times,

3.                  wash the private parts,

4.                  make a complete ablution (like the one made for prayer--the Prophet(saws) used to delay washing his feet until the end of his ghusl),

5.                  rub water through one's hair three times, letting the water reach down to the roots of the hair,

6.                  pour water over the entire body, begining with the right side, then the left, washing under the armpits, inside the ears, inside the navel, inside the toes and whatever part of the body can be easily rubbed. This account is based on the following report from 'Aishah, the wife of the Prophet (saws): "When the Prophet (saws) took his bath after sexual intercourse, he would begin by washing his hands. Then he would pour water from his right hand to his left and wash his sexual organs, make the ablution for prayer, take some water and put his fingers to the roots of his hair to the extent that he sees that the skin is wet, then pour water over his head three times and then over the rest of his body." (Related by al-Bukhari and Muslim.) In one narration it states, "He (saws) used to rub his head with his hands until he was certain the water reached his skin, and then he poured water over it three times." It is also related that she said, "When the Prophet (saws) would perform ghusl after having had sexual intercourse, he would call for some water, which he would pour on his right hand to wash the right side of his head and then the left. He would then take water with both hands and pour it over his head." Said Maimunah, the wife of the Prophet (saws) "I put water out for the Messenger of Allah (saws) to perform ghusl. He washed his hands two or three times, and then he poured water from his right hand to his left and washed his private parts, wiped his hands on the earth, rinsed his mouth and nose, washed his face and hands, washed his head three times, poured water over his body, and finally moved from his place and washed his feet. I brought him a towel, but he did not take it, for he shook the water off with his hands." (Related by Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood.)

 

Q-5B: i mean with all the duaas etc.

There is no particular dua or supplications one is obligated to make before or after the ghusl or full bath of purification.

 

What is absolutely obligatory is that one make intention in ones heart before performing the ghusl that one wishes to purify himself/herself with their performance of a full bath.

 

Although there is no condition or obligation to make any supplication after ones ghusl, it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (saws) would at times makes these supplications after his ghusl and/or wudu:

 

The Messenger of Allah (saws) supplicated Allah thus after he (saws) had completed his ghusl/wudu, : Allah hummaj alnee minat-tawwabeen, waj alnee minal mutah-tahereen (O Allah, make me one of those who constantly repents to You, and of those who purify themselves.)

Related by At-Tirmidhee.

 

Abu Saeed Al Khudri narrated that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: Whoever makes wudu then says upon finishing his wudu: Subhanaka Allah humma wa bihamdika, ashhadu anlaa ilaaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa atoobu ilaik (Glory be to You O Allah, and all praise belongs to You; I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except You. I seek Your Forgiveness, and I turn to You), it is written in a parchment, then sealed and is not opened till the Day of Resurrection.

 

Narrated Hadrat Umar ibn Al-Khattab (r.a.) that he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: None of you makes wudu and completes the wudu, then says: I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah Alone, He has no partners; and I bear witness that Mohamed is His slave-servant and His Messenger, except that all eight Gates of Paradise are opened for him, so he may enter by whichever he pleases.

Related by Muslim, Abu Dawood, Tirmidhee, An Nisaae, and Ibn Maajah.

 

One may make any of the above supplications after one has performed the ghusl/wudu for purification, but these supplications do not constitute a condition or an obligatory part of the ghusl or wudu.

 

Your Statement: And lastly, Thank you, Brother for doing a wonderful job with the site. I wish u best of luck and more knowledge to deal with questions we all come up with.
May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

 

Burhan

 


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