I got married some 1 and a half yrs ago. At the time of marriage i was at a very weak point in life. I hated myself and considered myself to be very unattractive.
Mu' meneen Brothers
and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be
upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Asalaam Alaikum brother.
I got married some 1 and a half yrs ago. At the time of marriage i was at a
very weak point in life. I hated myself and considered myself to be very
unattractive. Because of these reasons i feel i didnt make the correct choice
in marriage. I ended up, with the heavy involvement of my parents, marrying a
distant relative from abroad. I didnt know him at all but i was told he would
make me very happy and the rest was history. So i foolishly agreed.
He arrived in the
And also i dont feel any physical attraction
towards him at all!!! there is not one characteristic or quality that i can
pick out and work from. I dont know what to do because we have not consumated
our marriage since it started and i have no intention of doing so. I feel i was
cheated in this marriage. But i know my family would be very upset and i feel
alone in regards to this issue. I would be so grateful if you could shed some
light as to where i should turn or what i should do.
jazak allah
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Answer:
Sister Bad Marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none
can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright.
We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and beloved sister in
Islam, as long as you have agreed to the marriage, the marriage will be legal
and valid in the Sight of Allah Subhanah and Islamic Law; and as long as you
are legally wedded to your husband, it is your duty in Islam to fulfill all
your rights in marriage to your husband.
If you do abstain from fulfilling any rights due to your husband in
marriage, you will be held accountable for your lapse and transgression in the
Just and Majestic Presence of the Lord Most High on the Inevitable Day of
Judgment.
Sahih Muslim
Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes
one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.
If as you say you cannot even
find one good characteristic in your husband which you can build upon and try
to save your marriage, then you are well within your rights in Islam to seek a
permanent separation from your husband through the initiation of divorce; thus
setting him and yourself free to marry someone else and seek happiness. As much as Allah has made divorce lawful in
Islam, it is amongst the most detestable things in Islam and the Messenger of
Allah (saws) said that if a woman initiates a divorce from her husband without
a very strong reason, even the fragrance of
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by
Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Of all the lawful acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by
Muharib
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated by
Thawban
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘If any woman asks her husband for divorce without some strong reason,
(even) the odour of
The decision is entirely yours
sister. If there is even half a chance
of making a compromise and saving your marriage, you should take that
half-chance and build upon it and save your marriage. But if you sincerely tried to save your
marriage and not succeeded, and sincerely believe that there is just absolutely
no way left except permanent separation, then you are well within your rights
to exercise your option to initiate a divorce and set yourself and your husband
free from this marriage.
As your brothers and sincere
well-wishers in faith, our humble pleading to you would be to fear Allah and
try everything in your power and to the limit of your patience to save your
marriage. If you are indeed sincere in
your efforts to save your marriage, not only will Allah Subhanah find you a
way, but He will reward you magnanimously for your efforts and your patience.
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best
and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister