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I had a boyfriend, I had intercourse with him. I was 14 and I knew it was wrong but I did it. As I was getting older, I was disgusted

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

DEAR Burhan or to whom it may concern,

 

sadly when i've asked a question I've not receive a response. I'm trying once again. 

 

The truth is that i'm Muslim (girl), a pakistani one born in Canada.  I'm not a convert, but a born muslim into a good family.  But growing up here with my corrupted friends I was highly influenced by them.  Although i've always prayed even since I WAS a child and have strong faith the truth is that once I began highschool and were introduced to certain groups of people and friends, you know what the result was.  I had a boyfriend, I had intercourse with him.  I was 14 and I knew it was wrong but I did it.  As I was getting older, I was disgusted and thought that WHY  am I with this person, he's not even my culture (although he was muslim) but anyways,  I just got turned off, and I was in love with someone else, a guy who was my culture whom I had a relationship with as a best friend but a relationship of intimacy, I realized that he's the one I love and will die for.  This may sound immature, but by this time I felt I was ready to take my decisions, I still love him today but he's married.  I was madly in love with him and thus I had intercourse with him many times during our friendship of 6-7 years, it was not a boyfriend - girlfriend thing, more of a deeply bonded friendship.  I am embarrassed to say that I got pregnant by the first useless guy and freaked out and had an abortion at the age of 15.  And then this second person who is the one I love and will always love, whom was my best friend I accidentally ended up getting pregnant by him as well and had to have an abortion as I could not marry him at age 18.  Thats 2 guys and 2 abortions.  The first one was a mistake while growing up and the second one for me was/is the love.   Now please also keep in mind, that yes I've always prayed, although I had intercourse, i've aways maintained a religious sense.  I regularly pray and continuously worry about Islam.  I had intercourse out of love, despite know that its wrong.  I do not think that me praying will take my to Jannah.  I know very well that one must not only pray but do deeds of righteousness..   And while growing older, the aspect of Zinnah has gotten clearer and scarier.  As I said, I love my religion deeply and I have strong faith, I know ultimately what I did was wrong, and i've had an internal battle in me eternally.  Im a regular muslim, I read the quran with its translation, I wait for Ramadan impatiently, I pray taravih regularly, I make many promises to Allah subahan wa ta'allah, to guide me and forgive me ultimately.  I'm an emotional person, especially when it comes to love.  I know right from wrong, but I still stumbled.  The reason why i'm giving you details is because I want you to know exactly what my thinking is and where i'm coming from.  I have immense love for my faith I pray 5 times, I even preach people if I see something wrong, and I maintain that zinnah is abhorred in Islam, but  I also maintain that I was weak and I am wrong, and I did it out of love, although I die a 1000 times out of guilt.

Now that i've given you this background, where do I stand.  I know that no one has the answer to this except Allah.  When I preach, I always maintain that what i've done is wrong, YOU DON'T DO IT, i've done it out of weakness but its wrong.  I also want to become the best.  I am very knowledgeable, but I did not utilize it out of laziness and worldliness but at the same time  I am extreme, but yet when it comes to love i'm weak.  I know what type of a sin it is to commit zinnah.  But its too late for me now.  Just take note, that its 2 guys who I had sexual relationships on a large scale, the first was out of sheer stupidity and second out of love.  Also two abortions i'm repsonsible for.  I've been thinking for so many years and years.  Now I cannot take this anymore, thats why Im e-mailing you.  I cannot face Allah with having sexual intercourse relationship with two guys and two abortions.  I cant even die out of fear in facing him.  I know he is forgiving.  But for a girl like me (and note, that Im a girl and i've done this, is sick), for a girl like me, what shall I do.  I know we need to sincerely repent.  But after such things that i've done.  Of course theres other sins as well.  But for a Muslim girl these are the biggest.  I cannot sleep no more.  If i'm to repent, then what comes to my mind is the ayah where it says that the person who commits zinnah should be stoned to death.  What about that?  And for me whose done it numerous times with two different people? 

Another issue is that, I still love my religion and I grew up in a good muslim family that is why Im so conscious of Islam and my deeds that have been put forth.  Its different that I gave into the culture of the west.  I also did not grow up in a family, where I was pressured to pray 5 times and was oppressed.  My father is a religious man whose always taught us to love ALLAH and fear him and pray regularly.  And i've done all that, I love Islam with a passion and see myself as a great Muslim in the future (insh'allah).  But due to my upbringing, I naturally speak Islamically and you can tell from my speech that i'm religious minded, especially when I would tell guys and girl friends not to drink alcohol as there prayer does not get accepted while alcohol is in the body.  But due to a comment of someones they've made me feel that its hypocricy.  I have always maintained that they should never leave their prayers because that distinguishes us from  Kaafirs, but they say, "excuse me, you cannot do sin and then keep praying" thats hypocritical.  But i've always been taught and have had the knowledge that when you SIN you're not taken out from the folds of Islam.  I mean, we sin, because we're weak, but islamically conscious people who care for there religion, repent and keep trying to overcome their weaknesses and sins..  Thats what I was always taught.  It doesnt' mean that if i'm having intercourse or if someone is drinking that they should STOP praying?, is that what the law is?  Prayer is in its own place, its supposed to help you stop your sins, isn't it?  How can someone say, that its hypocritical to have sex and pray.  If one is having intercourse due to weakness of love and is still feeliing guilty and striving to do better is that not right?  I need answers, I cannot take these comments from others, as people often discuss this in universtiy as well.  No matter what i do I still continue to do all my Islamic duties and guide people, whether Im doing it or not, but I've been fighting with myself.

Please also tell me about where I stand after having intercourse with 2 guys and two abortions.  Will  I EVER be able to get out of this situation.  I know I cannot ever turn into a virgin.  But I lost it at such a young age, and stand here today in this state.  Please answer a.s.a.p, I feel like committing suicide, although its sin to even think about it.

 

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Answer:

 

Sin Zina & Seeking forgivenss

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Question: Please also tell me about where I stand after having intercourse with 2 guys and two abortions.  Will  I EVER be able to get out of this situation

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, regardless of whatever sins one might have done in ones past, if one is sincerely ashamed at ones prior deeds, turns back to their Lord Most Gracious, makes a solemn covenant with Him that they would never ever approach that sin again, and in all humility, awe, fear and hope begs, beseeches and implores their Lord Most Gracious to forgive them their sins; it is expected that they will find their Lord Forgiving and Merciful.


 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

 

My beloved sister, you talk of committing fornication with two people and having two abortions.if one had committed the abomination of zina with even a hundred people and had in their past committed even a hundred abortions.if even they had turned to their Lord seeking repentance, their Lord would have taken them in His Mercy and forgiven them their sin! Beloved Sister, rest assured that the Mercy and Forgiveness of our Lord Most Gracious is vast, encompassing, and endlessprovided one turns back to Him in sincere repentance before they meet their appointment of death!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 63-71:

The (true) servants of the Merciful are those who walk humbly on the earth. When the ignorant people behave insolently towards them, they say, Peace to you; (And those) who pass their nights in prostrating themselves and standing before their Lord and pray, O our Lord, save us from the torment of Hell, for its torment is killing! It is an evil abode, and an evil resting place. (And those) who, when they spend are neither extravagant, nor miserly, but keep the golden mean between the two extremes. (And those) who do not invoke any god but Allah Alone, nor kill a soul unjustly, which Allah has forbidden, nor commit adultery He who does this shall be punished for his sin, and his torment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall abide in a state of ignominy; EXCEPT THE ONE WHO MAY HAVE REPENTED (AFTER THOSE SINS), AND HAVE BELIEVED AND DONE RIGHTEOUS DEEDS. For then, Allah will change his evil deeds into good deeds, and He is very Forgiving and Merciful. In fact, one who repents and does righteous deeds, returns to Allah as one rightly should!

 

My beloved Sister, regardless of whatever evil one might have done in ones past in ignorance of the Laws of the Lord Most High, if one sincerely turns back to Him seeking sincere repentance, believes and does righteous good deeds thereaftersuch is the Mercy and Promise of our Lord Most Merciful that not only has He promised in His Glorious Quran to forgive such repentant slaves their sins, but in His Absolute Grace and Mercy, He has Promised to change their evil deeds into good deeds in their Book of Records! Such is the vastness and magnanimity of the Mercy and Forgiveness of the Lord Most Gracious on those who sincerely turn back to Him!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

 

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, rest assured that if you have sought sincere repentance for your past deeds from your Lord, regardless of however evil they might have been.your Lord Most Gracious will wipe out those deeds completely from your Book of Records and not even ask you about them on the Day of Judgment; for the Messenger of Allah (saws) said that one who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin!

 

Your Statements: I mean, we sin, because we're weak, but islamically conscious people who care for there religion, repent and keep trying to overcome their weaknesses and sins..  Thats what I was always taught.  It doesnt' mean that if i'm having intercourse or if someone is drinking that they should STOP praying?, is that what the law is?  Prayer is in its own place, its supposed to help you stop your sins, isn't it?  How can someone say, that its hypocritical to have sex and pray.  If one is having intercourse due to weakness of love and is still feeliing guilty and striving to do better is that not right?  I need answers, I cannot take these comments from others, as people often discuss this in universtiy as well

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 29 Surah Ankabut verse 45:

45 Recite what is sent of the Book by inspiration to thee and establish Regular Prayer: for Prayer restrains from shameful and unjust deeds; and remembrance of Allah is the greatest (thing in life) without doubt. And Allah Knows the (deeds) that ye do.

 

Without an iota of a doubt sister, the institution of prayer restrains one from indulging in shameful and unjust deeds. Regardless of what anyone says sister, never ever leave the Remembrance of your Lord and abstain from striving in His Cause and doing good deeds just because of the accusations and allegations of the ignorant. The Lord Most Gracious Knows well the intentions of each in His creation, and for those who believe and strive to do righteous good deeds will have their due and full reward in His Majestic Presence, Insha Allah.

 

Your Statement: I feel like committing suicide, although its sin to even think about it.

Beloved sister in Islam, suicide should never ever be an option for the one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day; for no matter what the reason, if one commits suicide, the punishment for this abomination of a sin is guaranteed Hell Fire in the eternal life of the Hereafter!

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 29:

O ye who believe! Eat not up your property among yourselves in vanities: but let there be amongst you traffic and trade by mutual good-will: nor kill yourselves: for verily Allah hath been to you Most Merciful.

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.445 Narrated by Thabit bin Ad Dahhak

The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "Whoever commits suicide with piece of iron will be punished with the same piece of iron in the Hell Fire." Narrated Jundab the Prophet said, "A man was inflicted with wounds and he committed suicide, and so Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him."

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.446 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire."

 

Beloved Sister, we urge you to fear Allah Subhanah, and be patient with whatever befalls you in the life of this world, for Allah is our witness, whatever calamities and afflictions befall man in this world are nothing but a trial set upon them by their Lord. Beloved sister in Islam, we assure you from the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah, that no matter what befalls one in the life of this short and transitory world, the real life is the everlasting life of the Hereafter.

 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verses 155-157:

155 Be sure We shall test you with something of fear, and hunger, some loss in goods, or lives, or the fruits (of your toil); but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere.

156 Who say when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return."

157 They are those on whom (descend) blessings from Allah and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

 

My dear and beloved sister in Islam, no matter what conditions and trials you find yourself in today, know and believe with certainty that your Lord is well aware of the exact condition of each of His creation, and He never ever lays a burden on one more than one can bear. Thus regardless of whatever situation befalls a believer, never ever should he despair of the unlimited and infinite Mercy of their Lord Most Merciful.

 

The avowed enemy of man, the Shaytaan, may make the situation seem unbearable; but if you keep your trust in Allah Subhanah and be patient, and bear with patience whatever calamities and afflictions befall you in the life of this world; Allah Subhanah will make your trial easy for you. My beloved sister, remain constant in your supplications to your Lord, for He Alone is the disposer of all affairs.

 

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in Islam, we beg and implore you in the name of Allah Subhanah, do not ever even contemplate to take your own life, as that would in no way end the situation; but on the contrary it would be a beginning of much more serious and unbearable conditions of eternal and everlasting punishments of the Hereafter. We beg you to fear Allah and not take a step that would be nothing but a source of regret for you in your everlasting life of the Hereafter.

 

May Allah Subhanah have Mercy upon you, help you, grant you with patience and perseverance to face the challenges that the test of life brings upon you, and guide you to do what is pleasing to Him. Ameen.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan

 


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