I have a hair trigger temper/defence meckansim,my question is should I refrain from meeeting members of the larger family
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam
Brother Burhan
I have a hair trigger temper/defence
meckansim,my question is should I refrain from meeeting members of the larger
family(that I beleive) that would aggravate the issue,or should I still attend
these family gatherings& try to sit quiety in a corner.
Is there a verse in the holy Quran the I
could read to calm myself when these situations arrive.
Or should I not attend any of these functions qoing foward.
As you have lot`s of mail on a daily basis I
would appreciate any sort of response urgently,as this is now interfering with
my marriage.
Salaams
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spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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Answer:
How to control temper?
In the name of Allah, We
praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Brother
in Islam, ‘anger’ like love, sadness, happiness, weeping, etc. is a natural
emotion of a human being, and it is possible that at an occurrence or incident
one may experience the emotion of anger.
Thus when one experiences the natural emotion of anger, there is no sin
and one will not be accountable for one’s anger, but what one does or says when
one is angry will definitely be taken to account by their Lord All-Mighty. It is the deeds a person does when he is angry
that will determine his reward or his punishment in the Sight of Allah
Subhanah!
Al-Muwatta
Hadith 47.11
Malik
related from Ibn Shihab from Humayd ibn Abd ar-Rahman ibn Awf that a man came
to the Messenger of Allah (saws) and said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws),
teach me some words which I can live by.
Do not make them too much for me, lest I forget." The Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "Do
not be angry."
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 5145 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
al-Khudri
Allah's
Messenger (saws) mentioned anger, saying, "Some are swift to anger and
swift to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other; some are
slow to anger and slow to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the
other; but the best of you are those who are slow to anger and swift to cool
down, and the worst of you are those who
are swift to anger and slow to cool down." He continued, "Beware
of anger, for it is a live coal on the heart of the descendant of Adam.
Do you not notice the swelling of the veins of his neck and the redness of his eyes? So when anyone experiences
anything of that nature he should lie down and cleave to the earth."
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 1740 Narrated by Abdullah
ibn Mas'ud
The Prophet
(saws) said: A believer does not taunt, curse, abuse or talk indecently.
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 29 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
I said to
Allah's Messenger (saws): ‘Inform me about an act which would entitle me to get
into
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 4762 Narrated by Mu'adh
ibn Jabal
Two men
reviled each other in the presence of the Prophet (saws) and one of them became
excessively angry so much so that I thought that his nose will break up on
account of excess of anger. The Prophet (saws) said: ‘I know a phrase which, if
he repeated, he could get rid of this angry feeling.’ They asked: ‘What is it,
O Messenger of Allah (saws)?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘He should say: ‘I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed
Shaytaan.’
Dear and Beloved
Brother, the emotion of anger is instigated by the accursed enemy of man, the
Shaytaan; and as soon as one experiences anger and before he does anything
which he regrets, he should first and foremost and immediately seek refuge in
Allah The Most High from the accursed Shaytaan by declaring ‘Aoodobillahe minas
Shaytaan-ar-rajeem’ (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytaan); it is
expected that Allah Subhanah will protect the person who sincerely declares
this statement from the instigations of the Shaytaan.
If the anger still
persists, the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided that the person must immediately
sit down if he is standing, and if he is sitting, he should cleave the earth
and lie down. (Have you ever seen a person lying down being angry??)
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 5114 Narrated by Abu Dharr
Allah's
Messenger (saws) said, "When one of you becomes angry while standing he
should sit down. If the anger leaves
him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down."
If that does not work to
appease one’s anger, one must perform the ‘wudu’ (ablution); and if the anger
still persists after ablution, one should offer a couple of rakah of ‘nafl’
prayers; and if the anger still persists, one should leave the place and go for
a walk or a drive.
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 4766 Narrated by
Atiyyah as-Sa'di
AbuWa'il
al-Qass said: ‘We entered upon Urwah ibn Muhammad ibn as-Sa'di. A man spoke to
him and made him angry. So he stood and
performed ablution; he then returned and said: “My father told me on the
authority of my grandfather Atiyyah who reported the Messenger of Allah (saws)
as saying: ‘Anger comes from the Shaytaan, the Shaytaan was created of
fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes
angry, he should perform ablution.”’
Beloved brother, anger
is but only a natural emotion, and what one does or says when one is angry will
determine his status and rank in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
Al-Muwatta
Hadith 47.12
Yahya
related from Malik from Ibn Shihab from Said ibn al-Musayyab from Abu Hurayra
that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said, "A strong person is not the
person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is he who contains himself
when he is angry."
Sunan of
Abu-Dawood Hadith 4759 Narrated by Mu'adh
ibn Jabal
The
Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘if anyone suppresses anger when he is in a
position to give vent to it, Allah, the Exalted, will call him on the Day of
Resurrection over the heads of all creatures, and ask him to choose any of the
bright and large eyed maidens he wishes.’
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 5116 Narrated by Abdullah
ibn Umar
Allah's
Messenger (saws) said, "No one has swallowed back anything more excellent
in the sight of Allah, Who is Great and Glorious, than anger he restrains,
seeking to please Allah, The Most High."
Your Question: Is there a verse in the holy Quran the I
could read to calm myself when these situations arrive.
Whenever you find yourself in a situation which gives vent to anger,
immediately seek refuge in Allah Subhanah from the evil of the Shaytaan by
declaring ‘Aoodobillahe minas Shaytaan-ar-rajeem’ (I seek refuge in Allah from
the accursed Shaytaan); and also recite the 113th Surah Al-Falaq and
114th Surah An-Naas as often as you can….. it is expected that Allah
Subhanah will protect the person who sincerely wishes to seek refuge in Him
from the instigations of the accursed Shaytaan.
Your Question: Or should I not attend any of these
functions qoing foward.
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet
(saws) said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahmaan
(i.e., one of the Attributes of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good
relation with the one who will keep good relation with you, (womb, i.e. kith
and kin) and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you,
(womb, i.e. kith and kin).
Sahih
Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.160 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet
(saws) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his
guest generously; and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should unite
the bond of kinship (i.e. keep good relation with his kith and kin); and
whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should talk what is good or keep
quiet."
Allah and His Messenger
(saws) have time and time again encouraged and commanded the believers to keep
very good relations with one’s relatives, kith and kin; and it would not behove
or befit one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day to intentionally
avoid meeting or keeping away from ones’ relatives.
My beloved brother, as
your brothers and sincere well-wishers in Islam, our humble advice to you would
be to attend the family gatherings, and if perchance someone says or does
something which gives vent to your anger, control your anger, seek forgiveness
for them and for yourself from the Lord Most Gracious, and refrain from saying
or doing anything which would jeopardize the blood-relationship which Allah
Subhanah has Himself created for you.
If one trusts, obeys,
and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger
(saws), one can be assured of never
ever being misled; but if one
believes, obeys and follows any other
guidance, other than that of Allah and
His Messenger (saws), one can be assured
of being led astray.
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me alone. Allah Alone
Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,
Wister