I am due to get married soon. my family would be planning to hold hena party.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Salam,
My question is about wedding customs. i am due to get married soon. my family
would be planning to hold hena party. This will involve me sitting on a
decorative stage and having a mixed (male and female) audience (guests) sitting
right in front of me. Guests (both male and female) from the audience will feed
me sweets and put turmeric on my hand. There will also be a camera man
recording the whole event.
I am aware that this sort of arrangements are sinful and not encourged in
islam. I myself, do not want go through such customs.
However, i feel that i will not be listened to. This is because, although i
have reverence for religion, it is not so apparent, i.e. i still haven`t
started wearing hijab (which is a mark of obvious religiousness) and people
tend to judge on the basis of appearance, thus often fail to look beyond.
Could you please comment on the above so that i could show your reply to my
family and perhaps this will make them think differently. In this particular
case, the feeling is that if you don`t do it big, then people might think that
something is wrong!
Please reply soon, as the day of the wedding is drawing near.
Regards
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
Henna party marriage
In the name of Allah, We
praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Marriage in Islam is
considered a happy and joyous occasion, and it is absolutely recommended and
encouraged in Islam that the believers enjoy and celebrate this happy occasion
through offering a feast, legal singing, the playing of legal music,
application of adornment or beauty for the ladies, etc.
Al-Tirmidhi
Hadith 3154 Narrated by Aisha
I had a
girl of the Ansar whom I gave in marriage, and Allah's Messenger (saws) said,
"Why do you not sing, Aisha, for this clan of the Ansar like
singing?"
In formulating any legal
celebration, the believers must be absolutely careful never to compromise these
principles of Islam:
There can be absolutely
no connotation of shirk
There must be no
indecency or elements of ‘fahisha’ in the celebrations
There must be no mixing
of the sexes
One must not ‘go over
the top’ in one’s spending
One cannot copy or
imitate a celebration that is particular to the pagans
The application of
‘henna’ or ‘mehndi’ at the time of marriage is basically a cultural occasion
and if any of the above principles of Islam are not violated, there is
absolutely no harm if the believing women wish to celebrate marriage with the
application of mehndi or henna.
But to make the
application of ‘mehndi’ into a particular and obligatory ritual and ‘rasm’ of
marriage, or to burden the bride or her family to foot the bill of a massive
occasion where huge ball-rooms are booked, bands are employed to play popular
and illegal string music, dancing or singing in the presence of non-mehram
males is done, or where expensive jewelry and clothes are worn to outdo one
another, etc., are absolutely against the guidance and teachings of moderation
in Islam.
There is no harm in the
legality or essence of the application of ‘mehndi’ at a time of marriage; but
how this application and celebration is done is what determines its legality in
Islam.
Your Statements: This will involve me sitting on a
decorative stage and having a mixed (male and female) audience (guests) sitting
right in front of me. Guests (both male and female) from the audience will feed
me sweets and put turmeric on my hand. There will also be a camera man
recording the whole event.
Allah Says in
the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Noor verses 30-31:
30 Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and
guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and
Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.
31 And say to the believing women that they should lower their
gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and
ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they
should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty
except to their husbands their fathers their husbands' fathers their
sons their husbands' sons their brothers or their brothers' sons or their
sisters' sons or their women or the slaves whom their right hands possess or
male servants free of physical needs or small children who have no sense of the
shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw
attention to their hidden ornaments. And
O ye Believers! Turn ye all together
towards Allah that ye may attain Bliss.
Dear and Beloved Sister,
if there are non-mehram males present in the gathering, it would not behove or
befit a believing woman who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day to
display her fineries and beauty amongst them.
There is absolutely no
harm if the mehram blood relatives of the bride wish to feed you sweets or
apply turmeric on your hand; but it would be absolutely against the principles
of decency to allow a non-mehram male to feed or touch a believing woman.
Holding a wedding
celebration where non-mehram males and females sit amongst each other, or where
non-mehrams feed or touch other for any reason whatsoever is absolutely against
the principles of decency in Islam.
Could you please comment
on the above so that i could show your reply to my family and perhaps this will
make them think differently. In this particular case, the feeling is that if
you don`t do it big, then people might think that something is wrong!
My dear and beloved
sister, you have to make up your mind and choose whether you wish to please
Allah Subhanah your Lord, Creator and Sustainer….or you wish to please the
people around you!
May Allah Subhanah guide
you to make the decision that is Pleasing and Acceptable to Him.
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me alone. Allah Alone
Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,