I am married to a Muslim and we have one child together. I am Christian and have no understanding of Muslim things and my husband is trying his best to educate me because of our son.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am married to a Muslim and we have one child together. I am Christian and have no understanding of Muslim things and my husband is trying his best to educate me because of our son. I am scared that one day he might tire of me and divorce me. Can he divorce me without my consent? I have been reading some things on your web site and I also read that he can marry again without letting me know and I feel very hurt that he might do this and although it is religiously accepted, I feel as if I can`t trust my husband completely knowing that any time at all, he may take another wife with or without my consent and knowledge. My husband is a very good husband and he is very respectful to me and loves me very much in his heart. But on my side, I feel mistrust because of this and he has assured me his intention is marriage only once (to me). Also, he has taught me the great respect Islam has towards women. I cannot fight against his religious belief and don`t want to, but I feel if he will see other women that is cheating on me and does not give me respect. Finally, what rights a woman has in marriage if men can just divorce them or marry again? If one day in old age my husband might tire of me, he can cast me aside and find a younger more pleasing wife? Do women have rights to divorce husband if they are uncomfortable with living situation in a polygamous lifestyle? Please answer me as I need guidance and I prefer it to be in Islamic faith because I also love my husband and wish to respect him as he does me.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Christian woman concerns of marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: I have been reading some things on your web site and I also read that he can marry again without letting me know and I feel very hurt that he might do this and although it is religiously accepted, I feel as if I can`t trust my husband completely knowing that any time at all, he may take another wife with or without my consent and knowledge.
Allah Says in His Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans marry women of your choice: two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one
Beloved Sister, the Lord Creator who created everything in existence, also bestowed on each of His creation its distinct nature. Islam has recognized the polygamous nature of men, and made it permissible (not commanded!) that if one amongst them has a desire to sustain more than one wife, he should honor the other woman, marry her, pronounce his marriage to society, and provide for her and her children just as he honors and provides for his first wife and family.
The one condition that Islam has laid upon those who wish to marry more than one wife is that they are obligated and required to deal justly with their wives in the distribution of their time and their resources. This is an absolutely obligatory requirement and pre-condition for any who wishes to marry more than one wife; and if one favors one of his wives, or allocates more time or resources to one amongst his wives more than the other, he will be held severely accountable for his grave injustice in the Just and Supreme Presence of the All-Mighty Lord on an Inevitable Day of Judgment.
Allah Says in the His Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 129:
129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women (wives) even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from one wife) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)!
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.
Your Statement: I feel very hurt that he might do this and although it is religiously accepted, I feel as if I can`t trust my husband completely knowing that any time at all, he may take another wife with or without my consent and knowledge.
Beloved Sister, the truth is that man has been bestowed with a polygamous nature and if one amongst men wishes to or has the desire to satisfy himself with more than one woman, he will find a way to fulfill his desire; if not legally then illegally! Islam has recognized this polygamous nature of man, and permitted (not commanded!) that if one amongst them wishes to exercise his polygamous nature, he practice it legally and righteously by honoring both his families with equity and justice.
If one amongst men wishes to satisfy himself with more than one woman and the law were to curtail his natural polygamous nature, he will obviously (as is the norm in these ungodly times) start an illicit, discreet, and illegal affair with another womanobviously without the consent and approval of his wife and family! As is so common today, such men resort to lying, cheating, manipulating, dishonesty, and when the illicit affair is exposed, it would bring shame and humiliation not only to the man and his mistress, but to his whole family at large! Only a glance at the lives of some of the famous (or infamous) people who live today will reveal the magnitude of the shame, humiliation, and/or broken families that have resulted because of these illicit and illegal affairs: President Clinton, Prince Charles, Princess Diana, Sven Goran Erickson, David Beckham, Donald Trump, the majority of Hollywood actors and actresses, sports stars, celebrities.etc. etc. The root cause of many a broken home and family are these evil illicit and secret relationships and affairs out of wedlock.
Beloved Sister, having ascertained the facts, now you need to decide for yourself which path allows more peace of mind, is more free of suspicion, shame and humiliation, and deserves more trust:
- One whom one has trusted for years only to find out one fine day that all along the person has been lying, cheating, and was dishonest in his relationship, or,
- One who fears Allah and if and when he does choose to exercise his polygamous nature, he will declare it openly to his family and to society.
Beloved Sister, if truth be told, as much as the issue of the allowance of multiple marriage in Islam is talked about and discussed by those who do not understand the principles of Islam, only a very small minority (about 2-3%) of muslim men actually have more than one wife! Compare this statistic to the huge percentage of men (who do not believe, nor fear Allah, nor His Day of Judgment) who have illicit affairs, and the issue can be understood in its proper perspective.
Your Question: I am scared that one day he might tire of me and divorce me. Can he divorce me without my consent?
Beloved Sister, the way of life approved by the Creator and called Al-Islam is a very natural religion, and it recognizes that human beings are not like animals, who if tied together will learn to somehow live harmoniously with each other! It may happen that at times, even though two people at one time in their lives might have intended and vowed to love, honor, and live with each other; circumstances, perceptions, and realities of life may sometimes bring them to change their minds and conclude their contract.
Instead of binding two people like animals who whether they like or not are forced to spend the rest of their lives with each other, Islam has reluctantly allowed and permitted (again not commanded!), that if all efforts to reconcile the differences between two people who do not wish to live together have been exercised and not succeeded, any one amongst the two have a right to conclude their marriage contract and purse their own goals with freedom and with honor.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.
In Islam, both the husband and the wife have a right to initiate a divorce proceeding against their spouse, the only difference being that the husband can declare a divorce for it to be established, and a wife needs to initiate her divorce proceedings in an Islamic or Shariah Court and the Judge will declare the divorce.
Your Question: Finally, what rights a woman has in marriage if men can just divorce them or marry again?
Allah Says in His Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part):
And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (in marriage) according to what is equitable.
Because the complete financial responsibility of running, maintaining, and sustaining a marriage, family, and a household is laid upon the men in Islam, they have a degree of advantage.but in all other matters which are just and equitable, a husband and a wife have similar rights in an Islamic marriage.
Because a wife also has the right to initiate a divorce in Islam, the men could reverse the question and also ask: what rights does a husband have in marriage if women can divorce them???
Both the husband and the wife in Islam have a right to initiate a divorce proceeding if they do not wish to live together; and both have similar rights against each other. Only if both the partners in marriage sincerely fear their Lord Creator and his Day of Accounting, and strive to love, honor, accept and cherish each other and are foremost in overlooking the faults of the other, can two such diverse creatures with individual habits and distinct natures can live harmoniously with each other.
Your Question: If one day in old age my husband might tire of me, he can cast me aside and find a younger more pleasing wife?
Hypothetically, it is indeed possible that if true love, respect and honor is not truly established in a relationship, in an advanced age, a husband may tire of his wife, cast her aside and find a younger more pleasing wife to share his life with!
But then again, it is also hypothetically possible, that a woman may tire of her husband, cast him aside and find a richer, better husband and share her life with him!
Neither the husband nor the wife has any advantage over the other in such a hypothetical situation; and it is highly unlike that two people, who sincerely believe that One Inevitable Day they will be gathered in the Majestic Presence of their Lord Creator to give a full accounting of their deeds; who have spent the best years of their lives together and raised a family; loving cherishing, and honoring each other in their partnership would ever be so ungrateful and selfish at the penultimate years of their lives!
Your Question: Do women have rights to divorce husband if they are uncomfortable with living situation in a polygamous lifestyle?
A women in Islam not only has a right to initiate a divorce proceedings against her husband if she is uncomfortable and unable to accept and live with her husband who has taken another wife, a bride in Islam has the right to include a clause in the marriage contract at the time of her marriage that her to-be husband will not take another wife as long as he is married to her! The only way her husband can then take another wife in the future is by divorcing his first wife.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,