I am married to a Muslim and we have one child together. I am Christian and have no understanding of Muslim things and my husband is trying his best to educate me because of our son.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am married to a
Muslim and we have one child together. I am Christian and have no understanding
of Muslim things and my husband is trying his best to educate me because of our
son. I am scared that one day he might tire of me and divorce me. Can he
divorce me without my consent? I have been reading some things on your web site
and I also read that he can marry again without letting me know and I feel very
hurt that he might do this and although it is religiously accepted, I feel as
if I can`t trust my husband completely knowing that any time at all, he may
take another wife with or without my consent and knowledge. My husband is a
very good husband and he is very respectful to me and loves me very much in his
heart. But on my side, I feel mistrust because of this and he has assured me
his intention is marriage only once (to me). Also, he has taught me the great
respect Islam has towards women. I cannot fight against his religious belief
and don`t want to, but I feel if he will see other women that is cheating on me
and does not give me respect. Finally, what rights a woman has in marriage if
men can just divorce them or marry again? If one day in old age my husband
might tire of me, he can cast me aside and find a younger more pleasing wife?
Do women have rights to divorce husband if they are uncomfortable with living
situation in a polygamous lifestyle? Please answer me as I need guidance and I
prefer it to be in Islamic faith because I also love my husband and wish to
respect him as he does me.
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Answer:
Christian woman
concerns of marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help
and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and
whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness
that there is no one (no idol, no person,
no grave, no prophet, no
imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone,
and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of
His Messengers.
Your Question: I have been reading
some things on your web site and I also read that he can marry again without
letting me know and I feel very hurt that he might do this and although it is
religiously accepted, I feel as if I can`t trust my husband completely knowing
that any time at all, he may take another wife with or without my consent and
knowledge.
Allah Says in His Holy Quran Chapter 4
Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans
marry women of your choice: two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye
shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one
Beloved Sister, the Lord Creator who created
everything in existence, also bestowed on each of His creation its distinct
nature. Islam has recognized the
polygamous nature of men, and made it permissible (not commanded!) that if one
amongst them has a desire to sustain more than one wife, he should honor the other
woman, marry her, pronounce his marriage to society, and provide for her and
her children just as he honors and provides for his first wife and family.
The one condition that Islam has laid upon those
who wish to marry more than one wife is that they are obligated and required to
deal justly with their wives in the distribution of their time and their
resources. This is an absolutely
obligatory requirement and pre-condition for any who wishes to marry more than
one wife; and if one favors one of his wives, or allocates more time or
resources to one amongst his wives more than the other, he will be held
severely accountable for his grave injustice in the Just and Supreme Presence
of the All-Mighty Lord on an Inevitable Day of Judgment.
Allah Says in the His Holy Quran Chapter
4 Surah Nisaa verse 129:
129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women (wives) even
if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from one wife) altogether so as
to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air)!
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man
has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of
resurrection with a side hanging down.’
Your Statement: I feel very hurt
that he might do this and although it is religiously accepted, I feel as if I
can`t trust my husband completely knowing that any time at all, he may take
another wife with or without my consent and knowledge.
Beloved Sister, the truth is that man has been
bestowed with a polygamous nature and if one amongst men wishes to or has the
desire to satisfy himself with more than one woman, he will find a way to
fulfill his desire; if not legally then illegally! Islam has recognized this polygamous nature
of man, and permitted (not commanded!) that if one amongst them wishes to
exercise his polygamous nature, he practice it legally and righteously by
honoring both his families with equity and justice.
If one amongst men wishes to satisfy himself with
more than one woman and the law were to curtail his natural polygamous nature,
he will obviously (as is the norm in these ungodly times) start an illicit,
discreet, and illegal affair with another woman…obviously without the consent
and approval of his wife and family! As
is so common today, such men resort to lying, cheating, manipulating,
dishonesty, and when the illicit affair is exposed, it would bring shame and
humiliation not only to the man and his mistress, but to his whole family at large! Only a glance at the lives of some of the
famous (or infamous) people who live today will reveal the magnitude of the
shame, humiliation, and/or broken
families that have resulted because of these illicit and illegal affairs: President Clinton, Prince Charles, Princess
Diana, Sven Goran Erickson, David Beckham, Donald Trump, the majority of
Hollywood actors and actresses, sports stars, celebrities….etc. etc. The root cause of many a broken home and
family are these evil illicit and secret relationships and affairs out of
wedlock.
Beloved Sister, having ascertained the facts, now
you need to decide for yourself which path allows more peace of mind, is more
free of suspicion, shame and humiliation, and deserves more trust:
- One
whom one has trusted for years only to find out one fine day that all
along the person has been lying, cheating, and was dishonest in his
relationship, or,
- One
who fears Allah and if and when he does choose to exercise his polygamous
nature, he will declare it openly to his family and to society.
Beloved Sister, if truth be told, as much as the
issue of the allowance of multiple marriage in Islam is talked about and
discussed by those who do not understand the principles of Islam, only a very
small minority (about 2-3%) of muslim men actually have more than one
wife! Compare this statistic to the huge
percentage of men (who do not believe, nor fear Allah, nor His Day of Judgment)
who have illicit affairs, and the issue can be understood in its proper
perspective.
Your Question: I am scared that
one day he might tire of me and divorce me. Can he divorce me without my
consent?
Beloved Sister, the way of life approved by the
Creator and called ‘Al-Islam’ is a very ‘natural’ religion, and it recognizes
that human beings are not like animals, who if tied together will learn to
somehow live harmoniously with each other!
It may happen that at times, even though two people at one time in their
lives might have intended and vowed to love, honor, and live with each other;
circumstances, perceptions, and realities of life may sometimes bring them to change
their minds and conclude their contract.
Instead of binding two people like animals who
whether they like or not are forced to spend the rest of their lives with each
other, Islam has reluctantly allowed and permitted (again not commanded!), that
if all efforts to reconcile the differences between two people who do not wish
to live together have been exercised and not succeeded, any one amongst the two
have a right to conclude their marriage contract and purse their own goals with
freedom and with honor.
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the
lawful acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did
not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’
In Islam, both the husband and the wife have a
right to initiate a divorce proceeding against their spouse, the only
difference being that the husband can declare a divorce for it to be
established, and a wife needs to initiate her divorce proceedings in an Islamic
or Shariah Court and the Judge will declare the divorce.
Your Question: Finally, what
rights a woman has in marriage if men can just divorce them or marry again?
Allah Says in His Holy Quran Chapter 2
Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part):
And women
shall have rights similar to the rights against them (in marriage) according to
what is equitable.
Because the complete financial responsibility of
running, maintaining, and sustaining a marriage, family, and a household is
laid upon the men in Islam, they have a degree of advantage….but in all other
matters which are just and equitable, a husband and a wife have similar rights
in an Islamic marriage.
Because a wife also has the right to initiate a
divorce in Islam, the men could reverse the question and also ask: what rights
does a husband have in marriage if women can divorce them???
Both the husband and the wife in Islam have a right
to initiate a divorce proceeding if they do not wish to live together; and both
have similar rights against each other.
Only if both the partners in marriage sincerely fear their Lord Creator
and his Day of Accounting, and strive to love, honor, accept and cherish each
other and are foremost in overlooking the faults of the other, can two such
diverse creatures with individual habits and distinct natures can live harmoniously
with each other.
Your Question: If one day in old
age my husband might tire of me, he can cast me aside and find a younger more
pleasing wife?
Hypothetically, it is indeed possible that if true
love, respect and honor is not truly established in a relationship, in an
advanced age, a husband may tire of his wife, ‘cast her aside’ and find a
younger more pleasing wife to share his life with!
But then again, it is also hypothetically possible,
that a woman may tire of her husband, ‘cast him aside’ and find a richer,
better husband and share her life with him!
Neither the husband nor the wife has any advantage
over the other in such a ‘hypothetical’ situation; and it is highly unlike that
two people, who sincerely believe that One Inevitable Day they will be gathered
in the Majestic Presence of their Lord Creator to give a full accounting of
their deeds; who have spent the best years of their lives together and raised a
family; loving cherishing, and honoring each other in their partnership would
ever be so ungrateful and selfish at the penultimate years of their lives!
Your Question: Do women have
rights to divorce husband if they are uncomfortable with living situation in a
polygamous lifestyle?
A women in Islam not only has a right to initiate a
divorce proceedings against her husband if she is uncomfortable and unable to
accept and live with her husband who has taken another wife, a bride in Islam
has the right to include a clause in the marriage contract at the time of her
marriage that her to-be husband will not take another wife as long as he is
married to her! The only way her husband
can then take another wife in the future is by divorcing his first wife.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due
to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source
of Strength.
Your brother and well
wisher in Islam,
Burhan