She mostly bluntly refuses and her attitude irritates me.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
I am 69 and my wife is 3 years younger to me. I am healthy and sometimes (say once or twice a month - at the most) desire her physical nearness. She mostly bluntly refuses and her attitude irritates me. This is happening for over 7 to 8 years. I believe this is a cause of a great deal of mental tension to me, I remain tense for months and our relationship is usually strained due to her attitude. What are the orders in Islam for the husband and wife in this regard.
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Sex old age
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
One of the primary rights of the husband over the wife in marriage is that if the husband calls his wife to fulfill his natural physical desire, she must fear Allah and immediately oblige. The wife who refuses to immediately attend to her husbands desire would be in sin and have a severe accounting for her transgression in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah on the Inevitable Day of Judgment.
Regardless of the age of the couple, regardless of whatever she might be doing at the time, regardless of her condition, etc.; if the husband desires his wife she must drop everything she might be doing and fulfill her husbands desire.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till the morning."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is occupied at the oven!"
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3258 Narrated by Mu'adh ibn Jabal
The Prophet (saws) said that no woman annoyed her husband in this world without his wife among the large-eyed maidens (the Hoors of Paradise) saying, "You must not annoy him. Allah curse you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us."
If after reminding the wife to fear Allah to fulfill the desires of her husband, she still refuses the advances of her husband; she would indeed be guilty of a sin and held accountable for her deeds of refusal. In such circumstances, the husband has only one of two options:
Accept the situation with patience, and expect the reward for his patience from Allah Subhanah on the Day of Judgment.
or, exercise his right to marry another woman.
But if the refusal of the wife instigates the husband in any way to incline towards the haraam or unlawful to fulfill his natural physical desire, then it would become obligatory upon the husband and best to save himself from the haraam and seek to marry another woman who would fulfill his natural desire.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,