Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Culture vs Religion.
For fear of comitting any sin me and my husband did nikkah in secret from our families. Shortly afterwards he told his family and i told my mum. She is against the whole concept and is forcing me to seek a divorce because he is of a lower caste than my family. I have only just brought up the concept with my father (haven`t told him about nikkah yet) and he is also strongly against it because of the caste and caste only, otherwise they said he sounds perfect.
They say that i should ignore what it says in the Qu`ran because culture is more important than religion. I`m really very confused and upset. I get constant emotional blackmail, ultimatums and verbal and physical abuse from my mum that i tried to commit suicide. My husband is also very upset because i won`t allow him to do anything that might make things any worse than they already are.
I have to tell my dad soon but he threatened to kill himself should i pursue the matter any further. Please help. I`m really considering suicide again as i feel its the ony solution that will make everyone happy.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Beloved sister in Islam, since you have already chosen to secretly marry the man you love against your parents wishes and consent; you have only two choices left:
With extreme humility and wisdom, tell your parents the truth about your marriage; or get someone whom your parents respect and honor to break the news to them.
If you cannot gather the courage to break the news of your marriage to your parents, and do not want to face the consequences the news of your secret marriage may bring upon your parents; you could seek to initiate a divorce proceeding against your husband.
Beloved sister in Islam, suicide should never ever be an option for the one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day; for no matter what the reason, if one commits suicide, the punishment for this abomination of a sin is guaranteed everlasting Hell Fire in the life Hereafter.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 29: O ye who believe! Eat not up your property among yourselves in vanities: but let there be amongst you traffic and trade by mutual good-will: nor kill (or destroy) yourselves: for verily Allah hath been to you Most Merciful.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) warned that whoever commits suicide, his punishment will be guaranteed Hell Fire, and he will be tortured in the same manner in which he killed himself.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.445 Narrated by Thabit bin Ad Dahhak
The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, "Whoever commits suicide with piece of iron will be punished with the same piece of iron in the Hell Fire." Narrated Jundab the Prophet said, "A man was inflicted with wounds and he committed suicide, and so Allah said: My slave has caused death on himself hurriedly, so I forbid Paradise for him."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.446 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "He who commits suicide by throttling shall keep on throttling himself in the Hell Fire (forever) and he who commits suicide by stabbing himself shall keep on stabbing himself in the Hell-Fire."
Thus in conclusion, we urge you to fear Allah Subhanah, and be patient with whatever befalls you as a consequence of the steps you have chosen to take in the life of this world. Beloved sister in Islam, we assure you from the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah, that no matter what befalls one in the life of this short and transitory world, the real life is the everlasting life of the Hereafter.
The avowed enemy of man, the Shaytaan, may make the situation seem unbearable; but if you keep your trust in Allah Subhanah and be patient, and temporarily bear the consequences of the results of your deeds; Allah Subhanah will make your trial easy for you. We beg and implore you in the name of Allah Subhanah, do not ever even contemplate to take your own life, as that would in no way end the situation; but on the contrary it would be a pain your parents, your husband, and your loved ones would carry for the rest of their lives.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,