Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

My husband and I have been married for eight years. For most of that time, I have been ready to start our family. He wants children as well, but every time I bring up the conversation, he tells me he is not ready. I feel a pain in my heart because I want to start a family so badly. What does the Koran say about this situation? We are financially stable and both have very good jobs. He gives me no reason why he is not ready. This is beginning to cause problems in our marriage because I am not happy. I want to know what is written in Islam about this situation. Thanks so much! 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Husband ignores duty

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

The husband does not have a right to stop the wife from bearing children in Islam. There is no harm in Islam if one wishes to space their children, but to stop having children permanently, or intentionally not starting a family at all after marriage would be compromising the natural need and right of the spouses in marriage, and absolutely disallowed in Islam.

And especially if one does not start a family fearing for their or their offspring’s financial well-being, that would be absolutely forbidden in Islam.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 151 (part):You should not kill your children for fear of poverty; for We provide sustenance for you and will provide sustenance for them also.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 31:Do not kill your children for fear of want; for it is We Who provide for them, and for you as well. Indeed, their killing is a heinous crime!

The wife should talk to her husband and clearly explain her feelings to him, and even if after that the husband still refuses to start a family, she is well within her rights to initiate and seek a divorce from such a marriage, and there will be absolutely no sin upon her.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan