How to approach for marriage?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah`s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you). Dear Mr Burhan, I was introduced to this forum by a friend, may Allah reward him for his action, and he told me that I could ask questions in relation to clarify things according to shari`a. May Allah reward you for what you are doing, I`ve never seen anything like it. I will pray, in sha Allah, for you so you can continue to provide the knowledge for who ever asks for it, and elighten their hearts and minds with the truth of islam (baraka `LLAH fikom jami`an).
My question is: I`m a single man searching to get married, but the truth is that I don`t know how a man should appraoch his wife according to the Quor`an and the sunnah of the Prophet (saws), and without crossing what Allah has forbid us.
For that I fear I might fall into something which I don`t have any knowledge. I ask you to clarify to me, with your knowledge, on what Allah and his prophet (saws) have told us in this regard.
I admit that I`m not knowlegable person, but I`m seaking it, may Allah give us a grant us knoledge so we can spread the word of islam. Assalma Aleykom wa Rahmato Allah.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
How to approach for marriage?
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Your Question: I`m a single man searching to get married, but the truth is that I don`t know how a man should appraoch his wife according to the Quor`an and the sunnah of the Prophet (saws).
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration that a man marries a woman, or a woman marries a man, for one of four reasons:
He (saws) advised the believers to make the deen the prime objective when choosing a spouse in marriage; for the rest are transitory and may be a cause of trial in this world.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said in another authentic narration: ‘The whole world is a provision (from Allah); and the best of provisions is a righteous wife.’
In light of the above narrations, a believer must always make the deen of the person he/she wishes to marry the prime objective; and whoever obeys the command and advice of Allah and His Messenger (saws) will never ever go astray.
If one already knows someone he wants to marry, then he must approach the woman’s father, brother, uncle or any of her mehram males, and tell them his intention. It is not permissible in Islam to send secret letters or messages, or try to contact the woman directly. The proposal is best sent with someone, or the man can himself approach the woman’s father, brother or any other mehram male relative of the woman.
If one does not know of any righteous woman to marry, the best way to approach someone for marriage is meet good God-Fearing people, or approach one of the Islamic Centers, or approach the leader or imam of the local mosques and tell them that you are searching for a righteous and believing woman to marry. They normally have information of the righteous people, and might know some woman who has approached the Islamic Center or the Imam, and asked them to find a righteous man for them to marry.
Islam has made it permissible that the man may meet and talk with the woman he wishes to marry prior to the marriage; provided that one of the mehram of the woman is included in the meeting. If need be, they may even meet more than once, but it is a condition ordained by Shariah that the man and woman should not meet or talk without the presence of the woman’s mehram.
If a man has more than one choice, then he may do ‘istakhara’ and whichever of the woman satisfies him, he may choose to marry her; and put his trust in Allah Subhanah.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,