Why forced marriages are imposed? and what is the solution?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamu alaikum I am a Muslim teenager and being forced to marry someone who i do not love, ie. arrange marriage. i am in love with someone and he loves me as much as i love him. we want to get married but my family does not agree as they want me to get married in the family not an outsider. please could you tell me what to do and what is acceptable in Islam or not. Many thanks I will wait for your reply Allah Hafiz
I am a Muslim teenager and being forced to marry someone who i do not love, ie. arrange marriage. i am in love with someone and he loves me as much as i love him. we want to get married but my family does not agree as they want me to get married in the family not an outsider. please could you tell me what to do and what is acceptable in Islam or not. Many thanks I will wait for your reply Allah Hafiz
please could you tell me what to do and what is acceptable in Islam or not. Many thanks I will wait for your reply Allah Hafiz
Many thanks I will wait for your reply Allah Hafiz
I will wait for your reply Allah Hafiz
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, it is indeed unfortunate that a multitude from amongst of the believing households have a similar case, where the girl/boy loves someone and they is forced or coerced by their families to marry someone of their choice.
There are multiple reasons why this phenomena has crept into a multitude of believing homes like the free missing of sexes, casual attitude regarding of the veil of the believing woman, friendship with non-mehram boys in schools and colleges, the influx of the pop-movie culture in our homes and lives, the acceptance of dating and friendship with non-mehrams in this un-Godly and ignorant society, etc. Unless and until one addresses the reason which give rise to such confrontations in the believing homes, such unfortunate situations will continue to rise and destroy the peace and tranquility of many souls!
My dear and beloved sister, neither is it considered righteousness in Islam for the parents or guardians to force their daughters to marry someone she does not approve; nor is it considered righteousness for the girl to marry someone without the consent of her parents and guardians! Islam guides that a marriage is not only a union between two individuals, but rather it is a joyous union between two believing families. Neither the daughter should pursue a suitor who is not approved by her parents or guardians, nor the parents should pursue a suitor who is not approved by their daughter!
The above is what should happen in a righteous believing household, but under the situation and conditions described by you what should not happen has happened. You have unilaterally chosen to fall in love with a boy without the approval of your parents, and they have unilaterally chosen to marry you to someone whom you do not approve of; and thus the unfortunate conflict and confrontation is imminent, unless either the parents or you strike a compromise!
In our humble opinion, the absolute best and righteous option in the prevailing conditions would be, in all humility, wisdom and patience to talk to someone amongst your family who you think would understand your situation and agree with your choice in marriage, and let them approach your parents and try to get their consent. We again reiterate, that extreme humility, wisdom and patience be practiced when approaching your parents for their consent; and even if they initially refuse to give their consent, never ever should even a word of disrespect or dishonor towards their decision come upon your face.
Alternatively, you could let the boy or his family approach your parents and seek your hand in marriage. If the boy and his parents are able to convince your parents regarding the marriage, then that would solve all the other underlying problems at large.
Amongst the absolute best thing you can and should do when seeking to marry is keep your full trust and belief in Allah Subhanah, and consult Him by doing the Sunnah of Istakhara by praying a two rakah prayer and making the following supplication as performed by the Messenger of Allah (saws) whenever he had to choose between several options.
‘O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your
knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your
great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are
the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me,
make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this
matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and
in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And
ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.’
When one consults, trusts, and keeps one complete belief in the Knowledge and Wisdom of the Lord All-Mighty, it is expected that the Merciful Lord will guide to make the right decision that is beneficial to the person not only in the life of this world, but also in the Hereafter.
One should not make up one’s mind or choice and then do the Sunnah of ‘istakhara’, but rather one should keep an open mind when performing this prayer and supplication of consultation; and trust that whatever outcome takes place, that is indeed the approved choice and decision of the All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord and one should be pleased with it.
In our limited knowledge, we may sometimes love a thing to happen, but it is possible that it might not be good for us; and at times we may hate a thing but it might turn out to be the best for us! Thus it would be considered righteousness that when one has a choice between several options, one should consult the One Who is All-Knowing, All-Wise and seek His Help and Guidance in making a decision that is beneficial to us in our deen, our lives, and especially our Hereafter.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:
But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not.
May Allah Subhanah have mercy on you and your family, help you, guide you, and bestow upon you the wisdom and the courage to make the right decision which is pleasing to you, your parents, and above all to the One unto Whom is our ultimate return. Ameen.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
Members of Islamhelpline