Sex before walima
Mu' meneen Brothers
and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa
Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be
upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalam O Alaikum wa
Rahmatullah, InshaAllah, iam getting married very soon (10days), My question is
: What are the right of mine towards my wife and her paremts/relatives. Is it
must to have sex on the same night after nikah or before valim. i heard people
saying to have sex is must before valima. Please, reply immediately Wassalam
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above
statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and
statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
Sex before walima
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none
can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright.
We bear witness that there is no one (no idol,
no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam,
no dai, nobody!) worthy of
worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His
slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
May Allah bless your marriage
and bestow upon your wives and children who are tranquil and pleasure to your
eyes. May Allah make you a source of
reward for your parents, and make your
children a source of reward for you in the Hereafter. Ameen.
Q-1: What are the
right of mine towards my wife and her paremts/relatives.
Brother, the question of husband and women rights in
a marriage is so vast and varied, that it
would require a full book if one was to list all the rights due from the
husband to the wife in all circumstances,
and the rights due from a wife to the husband. It is almost impossible to list the rights in this small
article. Therefore, we will try to give you an overview of the
Quranic principles and foundations of the
rights and responsibilities that are required by the husband and the
wife in an Islamic marriage.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228:Wives have the same rights as the
husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. And men are a degree above them; and above all is Allah, the All Mighty, All Wise.
Islam has given both man and
woman certain rights, responsibilities
and duties according to their nature.
All the financial responsibilities of the household is the
responsibility of the man. Even if
his wife is a millionaire, she is not
required to spend a penny of it on the household, if she does not wish to.
It is the responsibility of the man to provide for her food, clothing and shelter according to his
means.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:Men are the managers of the affairs of
women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because men spend of their wealth on
women. Virtuous women are ,
therefore, obedient (to their
husbands); and they guard in his absence what Allah would have them guard
(their honor, their property, etc.)
In Islam, each family can be considered a small
State, and Allah has appointed the man
as the leader of the state, because of
certain natural qualities and because they provide for the family from their
means. But having been given the
position of a leader in Islam does not mean that the man becomes an arrogant
and oppressive dictator like the leaders of the world! In Islam,
when one is made a leader, his
duty is to fear Allah, and serve,
protect and maintain harmony in his state,
by being a just, benevolent, and
a loving servant-leader.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rum verse 21: And of Allah’s Sign is that He has created
for you wives from your own species, so
that you may find peace with them, and
(Allah has) created love and mercy between you. Surely in this there are many Signs for those who reflect.
Allah himself says that he has
created the relationship of husband and wife,
so that we may find peace and tranquility in this relationship. And Allah has put love and mercy between
the spouses, in this sacred
relationship of marriage. But this
love, respect, harmony,
peace and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and
wife fear and obey Allah Subhanah, and
give all the rights that are due to their spouses.
It is reported that
the Messenger of Allah (saws) said in an authentic narration: ‘The whole is a
provision (from Allah), and the best of
the provisions is a righteous wife.”
Thus, in conclusion, what is
required for a peaceful and loving marriage and a good wholesome life, is first and foremost the fear of Allah
Subhanah; that one day everyone will
have to stand alone in the Court of Allah Subhanah to give a full accounting of
all his deeds. Once this
God-consciousness and piety is developed in the person, he will always try to obey Allah and thus
do all his deeds in the best manner,
giving each the rights that are due to them.
Q-2: What are the right of
mine towards her paremts/relatives.
You have to give the same rights and respect that you give to
your parents and relatives, to your
wife’s parents and relatives. You
must feel a sense of honor and consider it a favor that these people have
raised this woman, given
sacrifices, spent on her, loved her,
cherished her, taught her, educated her… and when she reached an
age, they presented this lady to you in
marriage! You must thus honor them and
respect them, just as you respect your
own parents and relatives.
And if you can do that, your wife will treat your parents and your
relatives in the same manner as you treat hers… resulting in a loving and
caring environment and marriage.
Q-3: Is it must to
have sex on the same night after nikah or before valim.
As soon as the ‘nikaah’ ceremony
is performed, the man and woman become
husband and wife, and it becomes legal
to go to each other. There is no such
obligation in Islam, that one has to
have conjugal relations with the wife immediately after nikaah or before or
after the walima feast. The couple
are legal for each other and they can have conjugal relations whenever they
want.
Q-4: i heard people saying to have sex is must
before valima.
There is no such injuction in the
Holy Quran or the Sunnah of the Messenger (saws). You may have conjugal relations with your wife anytime after
nikaah. It is upto you and your wife
and no one else!
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He
is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in
Islam,
Burhan