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Husband been watching porn, please help

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Search results for 'I know there are so many questons on here regarding husbands watching porn, but i really need advice. I am 24years old and married my 32year husband last year. He is great, I could not ask for a better husband, He cooks, cleans and does everything for me, we are so in love and so intimate, we get intimate every night, but i recently got him a new phone for his birthday, and i discovered he had been accessing excplicit videos, which has absolutely disgusted me, Ia m no angel, I have seen the videos in the past, before i became muslim, but to be married halal, and for everything to be halal it is just wrong!! I asked him for a divorce as i cant be with, i thought he only had eyes for me, but he is denying it was him, and saying it was his friends, would i be naive to believe that? He thinks i am over-reacting and paranoid, but he knows how insecure I am about my body and looks and i just feel sick to think he gets turned at other womans bodies. I satisfy him everynight and i can go a couple of weeks without getting satisfied because he races for the finish line. Sorry for being a bit deep or blunt, but i really seek advice. Am i over-reacting? I feel so low and humiliated.'

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Answer:

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sister you are completely within your rights to get truly annoyed at finding out that your husband is watching porn movies. Having said that, you have to be political about this issue and look at the same in a more general way.

 

You agree that your husband is a good man and he is caring and to sum it all you could not ask for better. You will have to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect man without any faults. Therefore if your husband has this evil streak in him you should definitely put your foot down and make it an issue that hopefully he will refrain from repeating. You will have to deal pragmatically in the sense you should not cut of all ties with him for his this lapse, but henceforth be vigilant and with loving care and not nagging instill in him the sense that he stands to lose more by doing such things. Learn to forgive easily otherwise your marriage will get strained. Be ready to discover more faults and take them in your stride, all the time letting him know that all the other entertainments are an illusion and only you is the reality.

 


Sister good men are hard to find nowadays. If your man is 7 or 8 upon 10 then you should consider yourself lucky. Don't condone and accept his mis-behavior, but sternly rebuke him and then forgive without bringing up the issue every now and then. Make him your friend, try to understand him so that he fears annoying you. If you push it too much he will do his stuff behind your back leaving you waiting in the house endlessly and making excuses that he is busy and returning home late. Give him more attention and love so that he does not have a chance. It is difficult but not impossible. Trying to take revenge in a marriage is not the solution.

Last but not least make sure he establishes his regular prayers in time, keeps wudu always, reads the Noble Quran in a language that he understands, fasts in Ramadhan, gives the zakah, and keeps good righteous company always. These are the only things that will act as a barrier to evil. If one fears Allah swt then he will always be protected from the satanic instigations towards sin.

Yes you have over re-acted, but that is natural. You do not get into divorce mode for such an issue as you will have to understand your options. As time goes his interest in you will slowly fade, again that is natural. It is up to you how you bind him to you and your home. If you make his life miserable he will seek solace elsewhere. If you act with wisdom and lovingly steer him away from his faults and give him space in your heart to live with dignity in spite of his waywardness you will find he will always come back to you.

May Allah swt have mercy upon you and help you to save your marriage.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline


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